Love God. Love People.

Heart Of A Homeless Man...

2010-12-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

One of my amazing homeless friends built this snowman. It's on the corner of Michigan and Pennsylvania Street .

He says, "Everday I will put scarves, hats, and gloves on there until it starts to melt. If anyone needs the gloves or ear warmers please do take them."

This makes my heart smile.

Distroying What Seeks To Distroy Me...

2010-11-20T12:09:00.000-08:00

I love this.

This is from The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

In his story, he and some others were on a bus trip that took them to the outskirts of heaven. There, they are able to get a glimpse of true reality - about heaven and themselves. The people from the bus trip are "ghosts" and each "Ghost" has something he must give up.

I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then he turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.

"Off so soon?" said a voice.

The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.

"Yes, I'm off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it's no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard), "that he'd have to be quiet if he came - which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won't do here: I realize that. But he won't stop. I shall just have to go home

"Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit - an angel, as I now understood.

"Of course I would," said the Ghost.

"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.

"Oh - ah - look out! You're burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost retreating.

"Don't you want him killed?" said the Angel.

"You didn't say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with something so drastic as that."

"It's the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"

"Well, that's a further question. I'm quite open to consider it, but it's a new point, isn't it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it..." said the Ghost.

"May I kill it?" asked the Angel.

"Well, there's time to discuss that later" said the Ghost.

"There is no time. May I kill it?"

Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please - really - don't bother. Look! It's gone to sleep of its own accord. I'm sure it will be all right now. Thanks ever so much."

"May I kill it?"

"Honestly, I don't think there's the slightest necessity for that. I'm sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it." said the Ghost.

"The gradual process is of no use at all."

"Don't you think so? Well, I'll think over what you've said very carefully. I honestly will. In fact I'd let you kill it now, but as a matter of fact I'm not feeling frightfully well today. It would be silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day, perhaps."

"There is no other day. All days are present now."

"Get back! You're burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You'd kill me if you did."

"It is not so."

"Why, you're hurting me now."

"I never said it wouldn't hurt you. I said it wouldn't kill you"...

The Angel's hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was saying.

"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal word from you and he will! Then you'll be without me forever and ever. It's not natural. How could you live? You'd only be a sort of ghost, not a real man as you are now. He doesn't understand. He's only a cold, bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn't for us. Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren't they better than nothing? And I'll be so good. I admit I've sometimes gone too far in the past, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll give you nothing but really nice dreams - all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You might say, quite innocent..."

"Have I your permission?" asked the Angel to the Ghost.

"I know it will kill me."

"It won't. But supposing it did?" asked the Angel

"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."

"Then I may?"

"...Go on can't you! Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."

Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed on the turf.

What a great reminder. Satan is a LIAR and DECEIVER. And sometimes we have to make radical choices in order to follow Jesus. It isn't always easy and doesn't always 'feel good'. But, it will be worth it. It will be MORE than worth it.

I'm The Price I Pay...

2010-10-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

Chasen - Castaway

I Feel Destruction Running Hard Through My Veins
But I See Redemption Rushing My Way
My Victories Are Bittersweet, And Now I Can Tell
The Only Place My Plans Have Led Me Is Right Where I Fell

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance

I Had A Dream Of A Life Of My Own
And I Had A Place That I Thought Was My Home
But Now I See I Just Can't Have It Any Other Way
It's All Or Nothing, Do Or Die And I'm The Price I Pay Because

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance
A Second Chance

A Second Chance I Won't Forget
A Second Life I Won't Regret
A Second Wind To Brave This Night
A Second More To Make It Right

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance

A Gift Of A Second Chance
I'm A Castaway, With A Gift Of A Second Chance

If You Are Willing...

2010-10-04T22:13:00.001-07:00

A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said. Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed.

-Mark 1:40-42

Jesus may not physically be in front of me...and I may not have 'leprosy', per say, but...I've still got dirt. I still have frequent moments where I need to fall on my face and ask Jesus to make me clean. There is nothing I can do to fix my 'human condition'...nothing. There is only one way. One truth. One life. And that one touch is enough. His grace IS enough.

So, here I go. Kneeling in front of my savior. Begging to be healed. Lord, if you are willing...make me clean. Because you're the only one who can.

He Hears My Voice...

2010-09-30T20:10:00.000-07:00

Man, life gets hard sometimes. And life gets really dark sometimes. I start to wonder if I'm ever going to get a break. If there is ever a way out. I'm quick to believe the lies that Satan feeds me. I start thinking there is no use. It's too hard. God has had enough of my bull sh*t. I've been down this road. It's nothing new. I should have learned. I'M sick of trying to give myself second, third, fourth...hundred-and-fifty-seven-thousandth chance. Why would someone so perfect take me back again and again. I just always start to wonder.

But, my God is so gracious and so merciful and his love abounds! I love when He brings me back to that place. That place where His love is so real. His mercy is so fresh. His grace is so amazing.

This Psalm is so perfect when I'm in these moments. I need to be reminded that God hears my voice. He BENDS DOWN TO LISTEN. Is that not a beautiful picture?

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Please, Lord, save me!” How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth!

-Psalm 116:1-9

Everything...

2010-09-10T19:17:00.000-07:00

Everything.

The current series at Indy Metro Church is entitled 'Everything'. The focus is simple, yet profound...an act of generosity, big or small, will produce a ripple effect that will have an impact each person it touches.

As a church, we are committed to living generously and inspiring others to do the same. This recent 'challenge' has further fueled my desire to live a Christ-centered, grace-filled, life of generosity.

I'd like to share a couple quick stories in hopes that you will be spurred to take a step outside of you comfort zone and let that chain of generous events start happening where ever you are.

Dollar Store.

Last weekend, I ran into the dollar store to grab a couple things and noticed a older woman and a frail little lady she kept calling mother. As I overheard bits and pieces of their conversation, I just wanted to 'awww' at their comments about the cheesy knick-knacks.

As I walked to the checkout, they stepped in line behind me. I heard the daughter say, "Mom, that is beautiful." As I turned to see what she had picked up, the mom was holding one of those dream catchers, telling her daughter that it would bring her good luck (I didn't think that was how those 'worked' but...nonetheless).

I swiped my card and the cash back option popped up. I quickly turned around to count how many items the ladies had sat on the counter. (This dollar store happened to be a 'real' dollar store...where everything is actually a dollar.) I chose my cash back amount and as the cashier handed me my $10 bill, I handed it right back and asked her to put it toward the ladies behind me.

My attempt to be discreet about the whole thing, was foiled by the cashiers response. She kept asking what I meant and looking at me like I was a crazy person. But, I guess that is a valid response to our culture's 'it's all about me' attitude.

Gatorade.

Today, I was on my way to drop a carload of stuff off at Goodwill and drove by a couple guys holding up those side-of-the-road-advertising signs...you know, like the Cash 4 Gold ones. It wasn't extremely hot, but it was the middle of the afternoon and pretty sunny...so, I decided I'd stop and buy them a cold drink.

I drove up to the next gas station, bought them each a Gatorade and pack of cookies and headed back to drop off the little snack. I hoped out of my car and walked up to them. I'll admit, it was a little awkward at first, but that didn't last long. The first guy asked me why I was doing this and I told him just because...he asked if he could give me a hug. The second guy was a little hessitant to take my tiny gift and told me to give it to the other guy.

I told them to have a good one and started walking back to my car. As I turned around the second guy yelled at me and asked to 'see my ink'. So, I walked back and I got to explain what my tattoos meant and before I knew it, he was talking my ear off.

He showed me an old gang-related tattoo on his arm that he was in the process of getting covered up. He told me about the amazing things Jesus had done in his life and how He had rescued him. He even invited me to his church.

The three of us chatted a little while longer as the traffic zoomed by and then I jumped in my car and drove away.

For a couple ideas on how you can be generous, check out these suggestions for
cultivating generosity .

"We Don’t Rest In Peace...We Just Disappear...”

2010-08-04T12:21:00.001-07:00

"We Don’t Rest In Peace...We Just Disappear...”, originally uploaded by jlosbon.

**These carts belong to Ron. He sleeps under this bridge. He earns his 'living' collecting cans and other pieces of trash that can be sold for a little bit of change. I don't know how long Ron has been on the streets, but it is the only way he knows. I've known him for over a year and have never once seen him stand up. He is always lying down, on the concrete, with his headphones in his ears. More often than not all you can hear is static coming from his radio. I don't think he can even grasp his situation. But, then again, it's his life. And who am I to judge. I rarely hear the man complain and can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him upset. Each time we leave Ron, he prays for us. His words are beautiful. Maybe he knows more than we give him credit for. God may be all he has, but isn't God really all we need? Ron, you are truly a beautiful soul and you are so very loved.**

Make It Through...

2010-08-02T22:48:00.000-07:00

Life isn't easy. It's really hard. It really hurts sometimes. Most of it makes very little sense. But that's nothing new and it's nothing profound. I'm just being reminded of it all. And reminded of how easy it is to want to give up and give in. That's exactly what I've been doing. Of course that never really works. Nothing ever really goes away simply because you chose to ignore it. You've got to face it. Walk right up to that giant and look him in the eye. Walk through the rain. There is hope. There is help. It's coming. Don't give up. Please, don't give up. I have got to remind myself every single day that God is bigger and God is stronger and He is my strength and He is my help. I'm going to make it through. Jesus truly IS the only name that will pull me though. Hold on.

Hold On - Rapture Ruckus

You Gotta Hold On

Help Is Coming

You Gotta Hold On

You're Going To Make It Through The Rain

Through The Rain Through The Pain

Through The Fire And Flame

The Same Name I Cling To

The Same Name That Remains Forever

The Name Above All Names

Above Death And The Grave

The Name That Cures Cancer

And Gives Strength To The Lame

The Same Name That Came And Shattered My Chains

The Same Name That Will Come And Do The Same Again For You

He's Going To Come Through

Yes It's True

Jesus The Only Name That Will Pull You Through

You Gotta Hold On

Help Is Coming

You Gotta Hold On

You're Going To Make It Through The Rain

'Cause He Said He'll Never Leave Us

Nor Forsake Us Man And That's The Only

Word You Need To Hold To

And You'll Never Be Lonely Homie

I Know I Ain't The Only Person Out There Hurting

Who's Flirted With Thought Of Ending It All

But Been Averted And I Know So Many Out There Who Have Had It Much Harder

They Got No Food In Their Bellies

Got No Mothers Or Fathers

So Many Questions Out There That Need Answers To But Even If It Comes Down To The Final Hour

Man He'll Still Come Through

You Gotta Hold On

Help Is Coming

You Gotta Hold On

You're Going To Make It Through The Rain

If You're Waiting For A Miracle

You Gotta Hold On

You Gotta Make It Through The Rain

Through The Rain

Through The Flame

You Are The Name Above Every Name

Jesus The Name Above All Names

Do Not Mix...

2010-07-23T22:05:00.000-07:00

New and old DO NOT mix. I guess it really is that simple.

“Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”

-Mark 2:21-22

I'm so thankful for this reminder...a reminder and maybe even a little bit of a warning.

Thank you for making me new, Jesus. Please stop me from trying to mix the new with the old. You are all that I need.

365 Day Challenge...

2010-07-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

I've accepted this 'challenge' via Flickr. It is simply to take one self-portrait everyday for 365 days. Here are the shots from my first week of 365 Days...

[1]

"But I'll Always Be The Girl I Am..."

♫Gretchen Wilson - Girl I Am♪

[2]

"And That's What You Get For Falling Again...You Can Never Get Him Out Of Your Head..."

♫Sugarcult - Pretty Girl♪

[3]

"You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt."

♥

[4]:

"Secrets Got Me Torn Apart, Trying To Destroy My Heart...But I Can See The Light, It's Cutting Through The Night...Everything Will Be Okay..."

♫Fireflight - Stand Up♪

[5]:

"You See Her Confidence Is Tragic, But Her Intuition Magic..."

♫Train - Meet Virginia♪

[6]:

"I Was Thinking Just Today About How We Used To Play Barbie Dolls & Make-Up, Tea Parties, Dress Up...Wish We Were Kids Again...My Sister, My Friend..."

♫Reba McEntire - My Sister♪

[7]:

“So Watch Me Strike A Match On All My Wasted Time...As Far As I’m Concerned, You’re Just Another Picture To Burn...”

♫Taylor Swift - Picture To Burn♪

You can keep up with my 365 Days through my Flickr Photostream or 365 Day Set. :)

Courage Is Not...

2010-07-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you'll be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey."

-The Princess Diaries

Save A Life...

2010-07-10T21:21:00.000-07:00

Please take a minute today to help save a life tomorrow.

Vote now and help the Kristin Brooks Hope Center win up to $250,000 for suicide prevention. 100% of the proceeds will go directly toward creating the first online peer-to-peer crisis network. Vote now to bring the hope and help of 1(800)SUICIDE to the web.

1. Vote online here. (It's free and only takes a few steps.)
http://bit.ly/vote_hope

2. Personally ask friends and family to vote too.

3. Post a status update on Facebook, Twitter or elsewhere. "Please vote for Kristin Brooks Hope Center to win $250 K for online suicide prevention: http://bit.ly/vote_hope

4. You can vote for both the Kristen Brooks Hope Center and Active Minds. (Voting ends July 12th.)

Flickr...

2010-07-10T03:36:00.001-07:00

Hey friends...there are lots of new photos up on my Flickr page! Let me know what you think...pretty please! :)

"She's Not Looking For You To Fix What's Wrong...She Needs More Than A Love Song...",

originally uploaded by jlosbon

The World Has Plans For My Demise...

2010-07-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

Underdog - Audio Adrenaline

"...Which Leaves Me
Down On My Knees
Back To The Place I
Should Have Started From

Been Beat Up
Been Broken Down
Nowhere But Up
When You're Face Down
On The Ground..."

Big Dave & The Cat Lady...

2010-07-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

I want to introduce you to my friend, Dave. 'Big Dave' hold a special place in my heart, being that he was one of the first guys on the streets that I really got to know. My first couple nights of outreach, I was pretty quiet. But, as soon as I stepped out of my comfort zone and pulled up a milk crate and began asking Dave his story, everything started to change. He was no different than me, or my friends, or my family. He was a beloved child of God, a beautiful person...with a story and dreams and...and, now, he was my friend!

Dave has been homeless for years and years and has some how survived some pretty situations addictions and heath situations. There is no doubt someone is looking out for him...and we've talked many, many times about how God is not done with him yet. It's a huge encouragement for me to hear him speak those words. I know there have been times in Dave's past where he was seemingly ready to just give up, lay down in his tent beside the river, and just quit. The last few months his attitude has been so refreshing. He has been trying and taking steps toward finding housing and programs to help him with this battle.

A few weeks ago, it seemed like it was never going to quit raining. The rising river forced Dave to leave his camp, the place he's called home for the past couple years. Surprisingly, this didn't effect his hope or positive attitude one bit. He told me that he knew if God ever made him move, it would be for good and he would not be returning to live in that tent. Fortunately, he has been able to stay with a friend the last couple weeks. So, he is off the streets for the time being and is really making an effort to find housing. Please, please pray for Dave to find housing and finally be able to get off the streets for good.

Now, one thing I forgot to mention...and it may actually add to why Dave is one of my favorites. :) He is a crazy animal lover...like myself. He has a beautiful dog, named Bear, and a kitty, named Little Foot. With not knowing where he would be moving or how long it would be before he would be settled again, I got a phone call from a few friends who were helping Dave move his stuff. And...I ended up with Little Foot, who happened to be VERY pregnant.

Little Foot had NINE kittens yesterday afternoon. They are adorable. This also happens to bring the total number of cats living in my house to...TWELVE! So, my claims to being a 'cat lady' are now a definite truth. ;)

P.S. If you know anyone looking for a kitten, let me know! Pretty please! They will be ready to go to their new homes the end of August! :)

Yellow Balloons...

2010-06-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Recently...via PostSecret, an illegal immigrant pledged to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge – “I have lived in San Francisco since I was young...I am illegal...I am not wanted here. I don’t belong anywhere. This summer I plan to jump off the Golden Gate."

...but over 20,000 online voices responded with hope!

And today hundreds are meeting on the Golden Gate Bridge to take a stand against suicide at the very place where it happens most in the world.

PLEASE DON'T JUMP! ♥

You Are Loved...

2010-06-06T12:29:00.000-07:00

I completely love the PostSecret project! Sometimes I smile...sometimes I want to cry...sometimes it gives me hope...

Check out the last reply on this post! I just pray that whoever wrote this PostSecret would know they are loved...and I agree, "Come to Indiana. I want you here. You could belong here."

Oh, Do Tell...

2010-06-03T17:20:00.001-07:00

...well, actually...ask..anything you'd like! :)

Go on...CLICK, CLICK...ask away!

formspring! say anything :D, originally uploaded by βeeŁo.

Beautiful Birthday...

2010-05-23T20:54:00.000-07:00

...no way I could even come close to describing this day to you! Mickey lights up my world every time I'm around him! I feel so blessed that I was able to celebrate such a special day with such a beautiful soul! :)

Missio Dei...

2010-05-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

In three short months I'll be on my way to the rural Guatemalan village of Magdalena to serve a local art school with my church. I feel so very blessed that I've been given such an awesome opportunity to travel somewhere so different from everything I'm used to. I can't wait to see how God uses this trip...not only to share Christ's love, but to completely shake up my world!

Please, please pray for me, those I will be traveling with, and those we will be serving in Guatemala!

And That's All That Matters To Me...

2010-05-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

I'm FREE! :)

God's love has set me free! NOTHING else matters! This world, it's shallowness, the 'stuff', all of it...will be gone in the blink of an eye! But I am LOVED, really LOVED, by the one who made the stars...and so are you! What is better than that? Could anything else EVER come close to that?

God, Your love IS all that matters to me!

All That Matters - Addison Road

I May Never Be The One That Gets A Second Glance
I May Never Be The One They Call The Prettiest
But That’s Alright With Me

And Maybe I Don't Follow Every Crazy Passion
Spend All My Time Trying To Get A Good Reaction
But That’s Ok With Me

This World Is Like A Trampoline
High And Low No In Between
Jumping At The Chance To Please
Everyone But That’s Not Me

Cause All That Matters Is
All That Matters Is
I Know Your Love Has Set Me Free
And That’s All That Matters To Me

Cause All That Matters Is
All That Matters Is
I Know Your Love Has Set Me Free
And That’s All That Matters To Me

Some People Tell Me To Step Out And Do My Own Thing
And Others Say I Got To Blend In Just To Be The Same
And Stop Being Me

But This Shallow World Is No Longer What I'm Made Of
I've Been Changed By Grace
I've Been Saved By Love
What More Do I Need

All That Matters Is
All That Matters Is
I Know Your Love Has Set Me Free
And That's All That Matters To Me

My Life Comes From The One
Who Made The Stars And Brought The Sun
He Loves Me More Than These
So I Don't Need Another Identity

All That Matters Is
All That Matters Is
I Know Your Love Has Set Me Free
And That's All That Matters To Me

BOLD...

2010-05-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

What are they going to do?

Are they going to take away my stuff? It's not mine. It's God's, and you can't take from me what isn't mine.

What are they going to do?

Take away my repuation? I don't boast of one, and the one I have isn't all that good.

What are they going to do?

Manipulate me with guilt? Fat chance.

What are they going to do?

Kill me? Doesn't matter. I was going to die anyway.

What are they going to do?

Take away their love? I am loved by the One who will never take away His love.

...Real boldness is just another name for nothing left to lose. And Christians who have nothing left to lose are the world's worst nightmare!

- Steve Brown 'A Scandalous Freedom'

Semper Fi...

2010-05-14T21:41:00.000-07:00

I've prayed that prayer so many times...the one that goes something like, "God, let my heart be broken for the things your heart breaks for..." and along with this I've prayed a TON of other prayers that sometimes may have just been things I 'thought' I should be praying for. So many times I've failed to grasp the words coming out of my mouth. And more than once, God has answered those prayers...the ones I hadn't the faintest idea what I was asking for.

This is without a doubt one of the biggest, if not the biggest, situation my heart has been broken for. A childhood friend of mine lost her husband on March 24, 2010 while he was serving in Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan.

I've never met Jake, and haven't seen my old friend for years...but I've shed so many tears over this death. My heart has honestly been broken again and again. I'll chalk part of that heart break and a few of those tears to the fact that I have a number of people in my life, who mean a lot to me, serving overseas or who have served in the past. But so much of it is God grabbing a hold of my heart and showing me what His heart is broken for.

I really can't explain it.

You may know, I'm not the US Government's biggest fan and I HATE war. But not because I'm "political" or whatever comes to mind...but because it's all so far from the way Jesus lived...the was we are called to live. However, realistically, there will always be war...there HAS always been war. So, what do I do with that? Love? Let my heart continue to break? Cry? Pray? Love more? I guess so. I guess I'll love those that I am 'supposed' to hate. I guess I'll cry for the people being killed EVERYDAY. I guess I'll pray God will give me strength, that I could be strength to others. Because what else CAN I do, dammit!

Please, please pray for Jake's wife, Brittney, and his family and friends and those he served alongside!

R.I.P. Lance Cpl. Jacob A. Ross

I am forever grateful!

SEMPER FI

A Garden ♥...

2010-05-06T07:22:00.000-07:00

I am so very, very blessed with AWESOME friends! ♥

...and it won't be long until I'll be blessed with yummy food growing in my back yard! YAY! :)

Tessa...

2010-05-05T20:02:00.000-07:00

I've written bits and pieces, a couple times, about this adorable little girl....This would be Tessa! She was my neighbor last summer and fall, but her family has since moved to New York. Tessa was a little blessing, but let me tell you...she was a TRIP! :)

Before I had actually moved into my house, I spend sometime cleaning up outside and around the yard...that was when I first met Tessa. She was dyyyying to help, so she pulled weeds with me...and we talked about all kinds of stuff. She told me on more than one occasion how happy she was that I was moving in next door! It was so sweet! The day I actually moved in, she came running over to ask if she could help...and that she did. That girl carried stuff inside all afternoon...and even stuck around to eat pizza with us afterward.

It wasn't long before I could count on a knock on my door or a "Hey, Jen!" across the yard every couple days. She'd always come over in hopes of petting my bunny or playing with my dog or hanging out in my house. I spent some really great times with Tessa. My favorites, by far, were...Taking her to church for her first time, telling her about my homeless friends and then having her come along to do street outreach with me one night, letting her finally hold my not-so-friendly bunny, and watching Matilda the night before she moved.

I don't think I'll be forgetting Tessa anytime soon... :)

(Neighborly Love & First Timer)

What Good Do 'What If's' Do...

2010-05-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

Relient K - Forget And Not Slow Down

How Many Times
Can I Push It Aside
Is It Time I Befriended All The Ghosts Of All The Things That Haunt Me Most
So They Leave Me Alone
Move On With My Life
Be Certain The Steps Of Left And Right Don't Fight The Direction Of Upright

I'd Rather Forget And Not Slow Down
Than Gather Regret For The Things I Can't Change Now
If I Become What I Can't Accept
Resurrect The Saint From Within The Wretch
Pour Over Me And Wash My Hands Of It

It's Time To Decide
Which Is Out Of My Mind
Cause It'll Be Me Unless I Put Some Thoughts To Rest And Leave Some Faults Behind
I'll Watch The Glint In My Eye
Shine Off The Spring In My Step
And Could Be Blinding Depending On The Amount Of You That I Reflect

Cause I Could Spend My Life Just Trying To Sift Through
What I Could've Done Better But What Good Do What If's Do

There's Something I Should Tell You Now

I'd Rather Forget And Not Slow Down
Than Gather Regret For The Things I Can't Change Now
If I Become What I Can't Accept
Resurrect The Saint From Within The Wretch
Pour Over Me And Wash My Hands

Pour Over Me And Wash My Hands

Cause I Could Spend My Life Just Trying To Sift Through
What I Could've Done Better But What Good Do What If's Do

Closer In The End...

2010-05-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

God's really been doing some serious, serious work on my heart recently! That 'work' He's doing doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy either...it's actually pretty darn painful at times.

But there isn't an ounce of me questioning the fact that God has got a plan. I don't, however, have a clue what that plan even remotely looks like...nor is it of any importance for me to try solve that puzzle. Things seem to work much, much better though when I leave the God-sized work up to God.

I guess what that leaves me with, then, would be...baby steps. Obedient, baby steps. Maybe some bigger steps, too. But nonetheless, careful, obedient steps. And sometimes He'll tell me to jump. So, I will have to obediently take that leap.

Honestly, though...those simple, little baby steps can sometimes feel like I'm running across the top of an enormous skyscraper and falling, feet kicking and arms flailing, into the middle of a fifthly city's obnoxious unruliness and screeching cars and screaming horns.

No, it's not always pretty...and it can be downright scary at times. As scary as plummeting off the top of a skyscraper. But, let me be the first to tell you, I did a whole heck of a lot to put myself in that 'not-so-pretty' spot. So, I've got no one else to blame.

God IS going to rescue me from it, though. It's going to be in HIS time. According to HIS plan. Dependent on what will bring HIM the most glory.

I'd say after all I've done in opposition to Him and all He's done in favor of me...it's more than fair. It's actually an amazing deal on my side of things. One I certainly don't deserve...one I could never, ever come close to earning.

So, for now, I need to be still. I need to listen. Listen for God telling me to take that step...to make that move. It won't be easy. It's going to hurt. There might be tears. But He's going to carry me through it. It's all going to bring me closer to Him. And regardless of the path it takes to get me there, it's the only place I ever want to be.

Thank You For The Cross...

2010-05-03T04:46:00.000-07:00

Man...Talk about something for which to be grateful!

Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.

- Colossians 2:13-14 (NLT)

Are these words not simply beautiful! He forgave ALL my sins! He CANCELED the record of charges against me! EVERYTHING was nailed to the cross!

I'm not sure how I so often manage to let this perfect promise slip my mind! But those moments when I really 'get' it...when it all 'clicks'...those moments are the overwhelming, to say the least! God's love for me and for EVERYONE is unconditional! And nothing can ever change that, ever!

As much screwing up as I've done in the past and as much screwing up as I'll do in the future...Christ's blood has already covered it! That's is some seriously powerful LOVE!

Thank you for the CROSS!

Forgive...

2010-04-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

I can't count the number of times I've read this over the last couple weeks.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

- Colossians 3:12-15 (NLT)

"Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." There it is! What else is there to say? It's a requirement. You MUST forgive others. The end. There are no conditions to said forgiveness or circumstances in which it's an option. Forgive.

"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you." I read that and start throwing out excuses. Man, that's not easy. And right now, I just don't want to. I'm mad. I'm still hurt. Look how I was wronged. Oh, but wait a minute...I start to hear God screaming, "IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU!"

"Remember, the Lord forgave you..." That's right, He sure did. And look what I've done to hurt Him and wrong Him and upset Him. I promise you it was more than once...and I promise you it was much bigger than any wrong that will ever be done to me, any hurt that I will ever feel, or any anger that's stirred inside my being.

That's why God is God and I am not! His response to everything I've done is mercy and kindness and gentleness and patience and LOVE. He doesn't look my junk. He's FORGIVEN me. To Him, I appear perfect and without fault. How do you even begin to wrap your head around that one.

And that's the kind of love and forgiveness I am ordered to extend to someone who has "offended" me?

Well God, fill me with that love. Make me able to forgive. Let me be merciful. Humble my prideful heart and stubborn mind. Give me words and thoughts and actions that speak kindness and gentleness and nothing more.

Trial & Error...

2010-04-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

I said this in some sort of joking manner...and in reference to photography, but in all reality I use the "trial and error" method all too often. It hit me as soon as I clicked send. I suppose using this approach to certain things may work. I, however, wouldn't recommend it as a means by which to live life. Now...if I could just take my own advice from the previous sentence I'd be in much better shape.

Although, if I were to be completely honest, my method isn't really "trial and error"...it's more like "trial and error and re-trial and same error and re-re-trail and saaame error..." on and on and on. Then, I usually end just up feeling hurt or saddened or defeated. You'd think I'd learn, right?

The first time you try touching a hot stove is usually the last time you try touching a hot stove, is it not? That will cause a decent amount of pain and teach a lesson awfully quick. But I'm willing to bet that at some point in time, before touching that hot stove, someone told you not to. Maybe they'd touched it themselves and been burned, maybe they'd watch someone else touch it and get burned, or maybe they were just passing along a message they'd heard. Either way, there was warning or instruction or advice...however you want to look at it.

Okay, so life is a little more complicated than whether or not you burn your finger on a stove, but I guess you could draw some parallels. Like that person warning you not to touch the stove...what if that 'person' was the God of the universe! The one who created you! The who created everything, ever! The one who loves you more than you could ever understand! What if He cared for you so much that He wanted to protect you from that hurt and that pain? And I don't mean a blister on the tip of your finger. I mean the pain that comes from an addiction, a break-up, a job loss, a shame-filled past, anger, hatred, loneliness, jealousy or whatever it is that makes you ache. Whatever is it!

He's given all of us all the warning, instruction, and advice we could ever need. His word is sufficient for each of those purposes. But without reading those pages or opening our hearts to hearing what God is trying to tell us, we're stuck with our method of "trial and error".

So, maybe it isn't the most convenient thing in the world and maybe it takes time, but God will show you a clear path and an unmistakable plan if you are just willing to read the instructions and listen to His warnings.

I wish I could, but I just can't explain the amazing joy I feel when, instead of trying to do things my way and ending a situation with an "error", I choose to be obedient and the situation ends with the feeling of being pleasing and glorify to the most high God!

So...thank you Lord. Thank you for your word and your love and your open, merciful arms that we can always, always run to!

My Ink ♥...

2010-04-21T21:34:00.001-07:00

My Ink ♥, originally uploaded by jlosbon.

Need A Little Help...

2010-04-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago, I wrote a little bit about my friend Eric getting into housing, which is still so exciting to me! But there is some more AWESOME news...another friend, Mike, ended up getting into the same apartment building the following week! What's really neat about where they have ended up is it is literally a couple blocks from the evening service my church just started...and both Mike and Eric have gone to church with me the last couple weeks! I have no doubt that me meeting them under a a bridge almost a year ago, our friendships, and their new apartments are nothing short of God's doing! :)

Last week after church a friend and I went over to check out the apartments and we've put together a list of what they still need to get them going! So, if you've got anything on the lists or anything else you think may be useful, please let me know.

Mike's List

Bed

~~Dresser~~

Couch
Recliner/Living Room Chair

Coffee Table

~~Small Kitchen Table~~ & Chairs
~~Desk~~

~~Microwave~~

Trash Can

Mini Blinds (I Have Measurements)

Dish Soap

Laundry Soap/Dryer Sheets

Cleaning Products

Groceries (I Have A Small List)

Lamps

Light Bulbs

Eric's List

~~Small Kitchen Table~~ & Chairs
~~Desk~~

Mini Blinds (I Have Measurements)

Area/Throw Rugs

Full Size Bed Frame

Tacks/Nails (For Hanging Pictures On Plaster Walls)

Mop & Floor Cleaner

Dustpan
~~Microwave~~

Desk/Office Supplies (Tape, Paper, Etc.)

Ice Cube Trays

Light Bulbs

Mini Blinds: Dining Room - (2) 25x57; Living Room (2) 33x57, (1) 38x57; Bedroom (2) 37x57

Feel free to e-mail me for more information! Thank you so much from the guys and from me! :)

I'm Standing On A Ledge Waving My Hands...

2010-03-31T12:20:00.000-07:00

This is seriously my life right now...to a T!
Desperate - Fireflight

Seek And You Will Find, They Say

But I've Been Looking Everyday
For A Way Past This Wall That's In Front Of My Face
I'm On Hands And Knees Searching For My Faith

I Know There's So Much At Stake
But I Don't Know If I Can Take One More Pat On The Back Saying I'll Be Okay
Can't You See Me Whole Life Is In Disarray

You've Got Me Desperate

I Know You Hear Me
Would You Give Me A Sign
Reel Me In Before I've Fallen In Line
You've Put Me On A Path I Don't Understand
I'm Standing On A Ledge Waving My Hands

You've Got Me Desperate, Do You See Me
Desperate, Do You Hear Me
Desperate, Will You Help Me
You've Got Me Desperate

I Know You're My Only Hope
The Only One Who Truly Knows How It Feels, What It's Like When It All Starts To Fall
You're The One I Can Trust Who Hears When I Call

You've Got Me Desperate.

I Know You Hear Me
Would You Give Me A Sign
Reel Me In Before I've Fallen In Line
You've Put Me On A Path I Don't Understand
I'm Standing On A Ledge Waving My Hands

You've Got Me Desperate, Do You See Me
Desperate, Do You Hear Me
Desperate, Will You Help Me
You've Got Me Desperate

Some Things I'll Never Figure Out
Until I Let Hope Erase My Doubt

You've Got Me Desperate

I Know You Hear Me
Would You Give Me A Sign
Reel Me In Before I've Fallen In Line
You've Put Me On A Path I Don't Understand
I'm Standing On A Ledge Waving My Hands

You've Got Me Desperate, Do You See Me
Desperate, Do You Hear Me
Desperate, Will You Help Me
You've Got Me Desperate

If I Could Tell The World Just One Thing...

2010-03-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

Hands - Jewel

If I Could Tell The World Just One Thing
It Would Be That We're All Okay
And Not To Worry 'Cause Worry Is Wasteful
And Useless In Times Like These
I Won't Be Made Useless
I Won't Be Idle With Despair
I Will Gather Myself Around My Faith
For Light Does The Darkness Most Fear

My Hands Are Small, I Know
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
And I Am Never Broken

Poverty Stole Your Golden Shoes
It Didn't Steal Your Laughter
And Heartache Came To Visit Me
But I Knew It Wasn't Ever After
We'll Fight, Not Out Of Spite
For Someone Must Stand Up For What's Right
'Cause Where There's A Man Who Has No Voice
There Ours Shall Go Singing

My Hands Are Small I Know
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
I Am Never Broken

In The End Only Kindness Matters

I Will Get Down On My Knees, And I Will Pray

My Hands Are Small I Know
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
And I Am Never Broken
My Hands Are Small I Know
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own
But They're Not Yours, They Are My Own

And I Am Never Broken
We Are Never Broken
We Are God's Eyes
God's Hands
God's Mind
We Are God's Eyes
God's Hands
God's Heart
We Are God's Eyes
God's Hands
God's Eyes
We Are God's Hands
We Are God's Hands

If There's Ever An Answer...It's More Love...

2010-03-29T21:35:00.001-07:00

Little things like this can always make my day! :)

A Few Poems From Wilda...

2010-03-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

Wilda was always writing in her notebooks...and I was lucky enough to have her share some of her beautiful poems with me. I'd love to share them with you! Her words and her spirit bring a smile to my heart. Love you, Wilda! You will certainly be missed! RIP sweet, sweet friend!

“God Is Great”
He, is great, in His mighty acts.
He, is great, in His divine love towards us.
He, is great, in making crooked pathways straight.
He, is the great physician who knows all our worries and fears.
He, even sees our tears inside and out.
He, knows our human frame,
And all types of pain.
Each and every day – God is great.
Because He is the creator of human kind,
He sees to it that a way is made.
All we have to do is ask, believe, and receive.
Then receive our blessings in the flesh by faith.
And that is in Jesus’ name.

Wilda Bivins Miller
06-17-2008

“Through Jesus’ Shed Blood”God is angry with the wicked every day.
But in His love He will save us.
It is by God’s mercy we are not consumed!
By His grace that we have a good relationship through His Son.
You cannot love God if you don’t love the human race.
All creation is flesh indeed,
With a soul that will live on,
In one of two eternal homes:
That is in heaven or in hell.
Without Christ you are bound to go downward,
For those who are born again goes upward.
And this is God’s plan:
That none parish without a relationship through Jesus’ shed blood.
All sins are forgiven except one,
And that is blaspheming against the Holy Ghost.

Wilda Bivins Miller
07-24-2008

“Those Who Are Born Again”
When you face life’s difficulties go to God your father in prayer.
While you are living and before you pass
Make sure your sins are covered by Christ’s shed blood.
You need not to die in your sins
Christ paid the price for your soul’s salvation instead.
You never need to fear what man can do to you,
Rather reference God to the highest degree you can
Always acknowledge God in all your ways.
And He will direct your path.
And when you get to heaven,
You will not be put to shame!
There are victories throughout this life.
In Jesus Christ out Savior,
For those who are born again.

Wilda Bivins Miller
07-24-2008

“Daily Blessings”
The clouds cover the sky lines
The sun often refuses to run and hide
The wind dies down to a calm demeanor
The birds still chirps their praises to God on high
There is spiritual peace in His children’s mind
There are still victories ahead for those who are born again
Live for God the best you can
And God will do the rest!
Despite what others say or do
And God almighty – through Jesus his Son is our judge in the end.

Wilda Bivins Miller
07-24-2008

“God’s A Heavenly Father”
God is going to look for his spiritual servants’ needs, wants, and desires.
In the spirit and also in the flesh.
If you have hope only in this life that is without Christ,
You are of all man most miserable.
Without Christ you die in your sins,
Your own righteousness is as filthy rags in God’s sight.
Without having your birth in the spirit you cannot stand for God or Christ
Study and read and live for God according to His word the best you can
He will do the rest.
I, mean He is, the heavenly Father!
Amen!

Wilda Bivins Miller
07-25-2008

“The Heart”
The heart of many shall wax away
When all the signs of human and divine love is gone
And it will feel as though you walk alone
Trouble seems to fill in the holes
Yet God sends the rains on the just and unjust, the saved and the unsaved.
You need not to let love period slip away
Just continue to pray in Jesus’ name for strength to love
And live by God’s word each and everyday
In the heart of spiritual man.
When human love fails – the love of God extends to all.

Wilda Bivins Miller
07-27-2008

RIP Sweet Friend...

2010-03-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

I literally just wrote last night about how much I missed some of my friends...and Wilda was one of those friends...(Missing My Friends)

"Wilda! Wilda! Wilda! I LOVE this lady. Sadly, she was the very first person I ever "lost". It was so hard to learn that sometimes you will see someone twice a week every week forever and then all of the sudden they are gone. I looked forward to seeing her every time I was out! I loved her amazing heart and spirit. She had tons of notebooks full of beautiful poems and kids' Sunday school lessons and blueprints for a home she hoped to one day have. She'd draw and write while she sat on the sidewalk in front of a Mexican restaurant selling items she had knitted, been given, or found in the trash. She would sit there ALL day long in the hot sun and then return to her spot on the front porch of an abandoned house every night just to get some sleep and do it all over again. Unfortunately, her "husband" was a bad piece of the equation and was a huge roadblock to Wilda getting on her feet...but as strong a woman as she was, Lewis was her weakness and she couldn't see that he was walking all over her. I pray for Wilda often...and even if I never see her again, there is no way I'll ever forget her!"

Tonight I received word that Wilda passed away on July 22, 2009 after being struck by a car just off Washington St. and Emerson Ave. on the east side of Indianapolis. It's kind of of ironic how my words last night were..."Sadly, she was the very first person I ever "lost"." I guess that really rings true...up to this point, I've never had to face the death of a homeless friend. I think what breaks my heart the most is that no one knew about her death. But, there is no doubt that Wilda is at home with her heavenly father. This woman had such a beautifully strong faith...her love for the Lord just made her SHINE! So many people loved Wilda and she will continue to be missed. Rest in peace and God bless you sweet, sweet friend!

You Are Bigger Than The Battle...

2010-03-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

Fail Us Not - 1000 Generations

Failure Doesn't Phase You. Worry Doesn't Win.
Lost Doesn't Leave You Afraid To Start Again.
Our Sin Doesn't Shock You.
Our Shame Doesn't Shame You At All.
Mistakes Do Not Move You.
Terror Doesn't Tame.
Death Doesn't Doom You To Life In The Grave.
Our Suffering Doesn't Scare You.
Our Secrets Won't Surprise You At All.
At All.

There Is Nothing Above You.
There Is Nothing Beyond You.
There Is Nothing That You Can't Do.
Whatever Will Come, We'll Rise Above.
You Fail Us Not, You Fail Us Not.
No Matter The War, Our Hope Is Secure.
You Fail Us Not, You Fail Us Not.
You Fail Us Not.

Hatred Doesn't Hide You.
Evil Doesn't Ail.
Despair Can't Disguise You And Tell You That You Fail.
Our Doubt Doesn't Daunt You.
Our Darkness Won't Defeat You At All.
At All.

There Is Nothing Above You.
There Is Nothing Beyond You.
There Is Nothing That You Can't Do.
Whatever Will Come, We'll Rise Above.
You Fail Us Not, You Fail Us Not.
No Matter The War, Our Hope Is Secure.
You Fail Us Not, You Fail Us Not.
Whatever Will Come, We'll Rise Above.
You Fail Us Not, You Fail Us Not.
No, You Fail Us Not.

You Fail Us Not.

Missing My Friends...

2010-03-23T21:11:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about so many of my friends lately...and how much I miss them! Just wanted to share a few of them with you. I can't tell you how many people I've met out on the streets that have truly touched my life...I promise they've given me more than I've ever given them!

This is Juan and Denise. They recently moved to West Virgina and I haven't heard from them since the afternoon I drove down to the Greyhound station to say goodbye. I'll admit, they both have their struggles and have broken my heart a couple times, but I just can't help but love them. I hope they are doing great and are able to use this fresh start and keep themselves off the streets. This is my buddy, Rodney. He is such a sweet man. I haven't seen him since this winter, but last I heard from him he was staying in an apartment with a friend...I hope that is still the case. If you met this man you would just want to give him a big hug! At least that's the way I always felt. We almost always cracked the Bible open and he would share his favorite verses with me and I would share mine with him. We had tons of good conversations and he was always full of questions. Another thing I love about Rodney was how much he loved to help people...he was always taking "new" guys under his wing and setting them up with a few blankets and a spot next to him on the sidewalk. I miss this guy! Oh, Mickey! I've written about Mickey more than once and I could write about this man all night. He is such a beautiful soul. His heath is getting worse and I've heard his spirits are following suit. I really need to make it a priority to go visit him. After being released from the hospital he was placed in housing...Praise the Lord! He has been such a light in my life. I honestly don't think I've ever heard the man complain about anything! I'm so, so, so thankful for Mickey! For those of you who know him..."Oy vey!" :)
Here are a few other posts about Mickey --> "Update On Mickey...", "Music To My Ears, Literally...", and "Our Beautiful Friend, Mickey..."
Wilda! Wilda! Wilda! I LOVE this lady. Sadly, she was the very first person I ever "lost". It was so hard to learn that sometimes you will see someone twice a week every week forever and then all of the sudden they are gone. I looked forward to seeing her every time I was out! I loved her amazing heart and spirit. She had tons of notebooks full of beautiful poems and kids' Sunday school lessons and blueprints for a home she hoped to one day have. She'd draw and write while she sat on the sidewalk in front of a Mexican restaurant selling items she had knitted, been given, or found in the trash. She would sit there ALL day long in the hot sun and then return to her spot on the front porch of an abandoned house every night just to get some sleep and do it all over again. Unfortunately, her "husband" was a bad piece of the equation and was a huge roadblock to Wilda getting on her feet...but as strong a woman as she was, Lewis was her weakness and she couldn't see that he was walking all over her. I pray for Wilda often...and even if I never see her again, there is no way I'll ever forget her!

Off The Streets...

2010-03-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! One of my good friends, Eric, who's been on the streets for quite sometime got himself an apartment this past weekend! Praise the Lord! He is, however, in need of almost everything to get him started. A friend of mine put together a list of what he needs most...so, here it is:

Dining Room Table Or Card Table & Chairs
Small Desk
Plates Bowls, Both For Eating And Storage
Towels & Washcloths
13 Gallon Trash Can
Dish Drainer
Cleaning Products
Laundry Basket
Light Bulbs (40w)
Broom And Dustpan

If you can help with any of these items or have anything else you feel like giving, that would be awesome! Just shoot me an e-mail or give me a call. I'm so happy for Eric! He was one of the first guys I met doing outreach and have gotten to know him more and more over the last several months...He is currently in college and really trying hard to turn his situation around. I'm so proud of him and so thankful that he has been blessed with this apartment. Please keep Eric in your prayers...

I Know...I'm Dreamin' Like A Child...

2010-03-19T14:09:00.000-07:00

Thank You...To...You...

2010-03-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

So...I walked out my back door this morning...and......there sat 40 pounds of dog food and 15 pounds of cat food!
Um...Thank you, kind soul! I appreciate you...and so do my furry little children! :)

Let's Show 'Em The Love That We've Recieved...

2010-03-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a little over a week since a man from around my neighborhood was stabbed and killed. (Here is one of the news stories) It happened just steps away from where some of my good friends live...I love my DAT House friends so much and their desire to share the love of Christ with everyone, period. They recently mailed a letter to the man who is responsible for the murder of Dwayne. In the letter, they "have written boldly about grace and how God offers it to him." Along with them, I am asking that you would pray that his heart would be softened and he would be prepared to hear truth that will so radically change his life! Also, pray for Dwayne's family and friends...and my friends at the DAT House who are stepping out into this neighborhood to simply share the love and truth of our awesome God!

It's The Climb...

2010-03-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

'Eh...I'm not above being cliché...and I love this song, so...yeah! ;)

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I Can Almost See It
That Dream I’m Dreaming But
There’s A Voice Inside My Head Sayin’,
You’ll Never Reach It,
Every Step I’m Taking,
Every Move I Make Feels
Lost With No Direction
My Faith Is Shaking But I
Got To Keep Trying
Got To Keep My Head Held High

There’s Always Going To Be Another Mountain
I’m Always Going To Want To Make It Move
Always Going To Be An Uphill Battle,
Sometimes I'm Going To Have To Lose,
Ain’t About How Fast I Get There,
Ain’t About What’s Waiting On The Other Side
It’s The Climb

The Struggles I’m Facing,
The Chances I’m Taking
Sometimes They Might Knock Me Down But
No I’m Not Breaking
I May Not Know It
But These Are The Moments That
I’m Going To Remember Most Yeah
Just Got To Keep Going
And I,
I Got To Be Strong
Just Keep Pushing On,

Cause

There’s Always Going To Be Another Mountain
I’m Always Going To Want To Make It Move
Always Going To Be An Uphill Battle,
Sometimes I'm Going To Have To Lose,
Ain’t About How Fast I Get There,
Ain’t About What’s Waiting On The Other Side
It’s The Climb

There’s Always Going To Be Another MountainI’m Always Going To Want To Make It Move
Always Going To Be An Uphill Battle,
Somebody's Going To Have To Lose,
Ain’t About How Fast I Get There,
Ain’t About What’s Waiting On The Other Side

It’s The Climb

Keep On Moving
Keep Climbing
Keep The Faith Baby
It’s All About
The Climb
Keep The Faith

When The Deck Is Stacked Against Me...

2010-02-15T20:52:00.000-08:00

...I Just Play A Different Game...

Yeah. Right. I don't get to pick the game. I wish. If it were only that easy. Can't I just have what I want. Come on. I know what I want. I think. I thought I knew. I'm going crazy. Are you listening. Do you hear what I am saying. Crazy. You'd understand. If I could just tell you. Let me say it. But you won't ever know. I'm out of words. But I never started talking. I guess that's just how it goes. I guess. Never mind. Maybe I can just forget. But I doubt it. So keep stacking. I'll keep pretending.

Breathe It In & Let It Go...

2010-02-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

Enough To Let Me Go -- Switchfoot

Oh, I'm A Wandering Soul
I'm Still Walking The Line
That Leads Me Home Alone

All I Know
I Still Got Mountain To Climb
On My Own, On My Own

Do You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go?
To Let Me Follow Through
To Let Me Fall For You
Do You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go?

Back From The Dead Of Winter
Back From The Dead And All Our Leaves Are Dry
You're So Beautiful, Tonight

Back From The Dead We Went Through
Back From The Dead And Both Our Tongues Are Tied
You Look Beautiful Tonight

But Every Seed Dies Before It Grows

Breathe It In And Let It Go
Every Breath You Take Is Not Your To Own
It's Not Your To Hold
Do You Love Me Enough To Let Me Go?

At A Red Light, In The Sunshine...

2010-02-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

It Ain't The Middle Of The Night...& It Ain't Even Raining Outside...It Ain't Exactly What I Had In Mind, For Goodbye...At A Red Light, In The Sunshine, On A Sunday...Nothin' To Say, Don't Even Try...Some Are Comin' Home, Some Are Leavin' Town, While My World's Crashin' Down...On A Sunday, In The Sunshine, At A Red Light...♥

Valentine's Day PostSecrets...

2010-02-14T15:05:00.000-08:00

www.postsecret.com

Jacob...Isn't "Jacob" Afterall...

2010-02-04T20:14:00.000-08:00

I finally got to have a conversation with Jacob...well, as close as we're going to get to a conversation for now. I talked, he wrote.

The first thing he wrote was this...
His name is NOT Jacob! What! He didn't seem to know how "Jacob" got started, but he was just rollin' with it. Haha.

I went out to eat with some friends the other night and had some wings left over. I figured I'd stop and drop them off to a friend. Jacob...I mean, Jude...was sitting up, which is rare, so I hopped out and asked if he wanted them. Usually he will give you that big smile, shake his head, and lay back down...but not this time, so I asked him if he wanted to talk for a minute. I ran and grabbed my journal out of my car and he didn't hesitate at all to write down "Jude Lopez". I apologized over and over for calling him Jacob all this time, but he didn't seem to mind, just tried to laugh.

I finally feel like I got to know a little bit of his story and a little bit about who he was. He's 28 and from Fort Worth, TX. He has a 2 year old daughter here in Indianapolis, but doesn't speak to her or her mother, which stinks. We talked about the track in Dallas/Fort Worth, faith, what I do with TDWM, our parents, the newspaper, our nicknames, experiences in the shelter, plans for the future, dogs, and tons of other stuff. Finally I asked what I'd been wondering the whole time...what happened to his voice? About 3 months ago he got knocked out in a fight and ever since then it has hurt too much for him to speak. He kept clearing his throat and I was like...ohh, is he going to say something? But he didn't. He said he did go to the doctor, but didn't say much more, so I guess I still don't know exactly what is wrong.

Right now, Jude says he is happy with where he is. He doesn't want to go into a shelter and he doesn't want to look for a job...and with his situation, I can understand that. But, either way, I'm still going to continue to love on him and get to know him. He really is a sweet guy...and I just can't get enough of his big smile! :)

MY Church...

2010-02-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

This is one of the many reasons I call Indy Metro MY church...I just LOVE how much everyone genuinely loves people...

Visit www.indymetro.org if you'd like more information. Or better yet, join us Sundays at 10:30 AM in the American Cabaret Theater at 401 E. Michigan St.

A Gift From Bob...

2010-02-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

I wrote a little bit about my friend Bob not too long ago...and now I want to share with you a gift he recently blessed me with.I was visiting with him last week and he told me he has something for me. He pulled out this 8x10 photo and told me that some guy came under the bridge asking to take pictures...I wish I knew who this guy was. I'd love to give him credit for his photo, but I'd REALLY love to thank him for being so sweet to my friend. Bob told me the guy stayed and talked to him for a couple hours and brought him donuts. When Bob handed me this photo I was so excited that he wanted ME to have it...it was the only copy he had! I asked him over and over again if he was sure, and he promised he was. He told me he wanted me to have something to remember him by.

As if I'd forget him...we've had some good conversations...and LOTS of good jokes. Hey, I bet if you ever meet Bob and mention me, he'll tell you about the "horrible" book I brought him to read! :) I'll admit I'd only read the first couple of chapters, but it seemed like an interesting book...Riding Toward Everywhere...it was a book about a guy who rode the rails, just a snapshot of his story. Well, turns out he was a bit of a "wild" guy...Bob couldn't believe that I would give him a book that talked about prostitutes and used the 'f'-word. Ooops! Haha, but we joke about it almost every time I see him.

The Big 1 & The Little 9...

2010-02-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

“I found the big one and the little nine!”

As frustrating as my adventures in urban youth ministry are, there are just those moments that make every bit of craziness more than worth it.

After Christmas break, I took a whole new approach to The Surf...which is our 1st-6th grade group. I guess my new approach could be called...organization. :)

Part of that organization is keeping some consistency in the evening. So, something we do each week now is look up 3 or 4 verses that go with our lesson. A few of the kids have a basic understanding of the Bible, but for most of the kids it’s the first time they’ve ever looked up a specific verse or maybe even the first time they’ve opened a Bible.

One of our little boys, who is probably in 1st or 2nd grade, is incredibly hyper...and I’m not exagetaing anything, at all. He would run around and do back flips all night if we would let him. The last couple weeks I’ve spent a lot of time helping him look up our verses, but it’s a bit of a challenge to keep his attention. This week I helped him with the first two verses and tried to pick out the important parts for him to write down...he doesn’t like writing at all; I guess it’s too much like school. :)

I walked away to check on some of the other kids and then made my way back to Rahiem to see him underlining something in his Bible. I asked him what he was doing and he said...”I found the big one and the little nine!” That’s exactly how I’ve been explaining it to him over and over...find the big ‘whatever number’ and then find the little ‘whatever number’! My heart just melted. Even though he was underlining Ephesians 1:9, and not 1 John 1:9, which was the verse we were on. But hey, he got the big one and little nine part right and that is good enough for me.

I think it only took about ten minutes until I had to yell at little Rahiem to get off the pool table and stop doing back flips, but that’s okay. It’s nothing new. I’m just so thankful for that little bit of encouragement and joy God blessed me with...it was perfect timing.

Punishment...

2010-01-31T21:22:00.000-08:00

“Hey, Jena...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“What!”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“You mean...because you’re sick?”
“Yeah. My medicine makes me tired and I can’t stay awake at night to finish reading my Bible.”

Our conversation this morning broke my heart. I wish I would have had something more profound to share with her. But I didn’t. All I could come up with was something generic about God not being “like that”.

But, why?

He’s PERFECT. He gave SO much. More than anyone could EVER comprehend. And we keep living like it’s no big deal. I keep living like it’s no big deal. God didn’t let his SON...his ONLY son, be ruthlessly tortured and brutally murdered so that I could walk around and constantly spit in his face by living a life full of my prideful, selfish sinfulness.

All I know is that if God gave me the punishment I actually deserved, it would have to be something so incredibly horrible; I can’t even begin to imagine. Something comparable to what Jesus endured. But, God will NEVER ever bestow that punishment upon me...the punishment I so much deserve. His PERFECT son took MY place on that cross. I should have been hung on that cross. And that is simply the truth.

So, back to my God’s not “like that” answer. He isn’t. He loves me and He loves you and He loves EVERY person He created. Sometimes I have to remind myself just how much God really does love me. He sent his son to this earth to DIE so that I could live. So that I could be free from the bondage of sin in my life. So that I could spend eternity with Him. These words are so beautiful to me: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...” (Romans 8:1)

When I gave my life up for the life God had in store for me, I became a new person. The old “me” died, just like Christ died on the cross. (2 Corinthians 5:17) And just as he rose from the dead, I rose with Him. (Romans 6) That sin, that evil nature that resonated inside me, no longer has any control. My sin, those moments I look back on and feel as though I’ve spit right in God’s face, are no longer counted against me.

Can you even wrap you head around that? I can’t. The creator or the universe, the one who placed the stars in the sky and knows the number of grains of sand on every beach and made my heart beat...that “guy”...He is on MY side. I have a power in my corner, fighting for me, this power is greater than any broken heart or addiction or deep regret. He is bigger. And He chooses to lift every last bit of my junk off my shoulders. God wipes the slate clean. It’s gone. It’s ALL gone. Now, that is how He is going to see me for the rest of eternity, as flawless as the one who took my place, because that is how much He loves me. And that’s how much He loves each and every person on this earth.

So, no, I don’t have the answer to why my friend is sick. But, I sure don’t think its punishment.

That Stuff Isn't Really For Me...

2010-01-20T20:39:00.000-08:00

As I walked under the Pennsylvania Street bridge tonight I started quickly scanning either side, looking for friends among the heaps of clothes and blankets and piles of empty to-go boxes and scattered pieces of trash. Sometimes it's hard to tell if what I'm seeing is a person crouched over under a mountain of blankets or just a conglomeration of mere "stuff".

The first person I spotted was, Bob. I've known Bob for a couple months now...and as far as I can tell, the farthest he's moved these past couple months has been from the one side of the bridge to the other. He sits in his spot all day, everyday...reading. I still remember our first conversation. He had recently lost his home and had been walking back and forth from Greenwood to Indianapolis every day. That night was going to be the first night he would actually sleep on the streets, before he had been staying in "his" house...until the bank finally locked it up. He wasn't interested in going into a shelter, as much as I insisted he should give it a try, he just wasn't going to go. We talked for a while about his life and family and him being a veteran...then we started talk about what I was doing on the streets. I always hear, "What church are you with?" I started explaining who I was and what I do which naturally led me down a perfect avenue to ask him about his faith.

Bob told me he grew up in church, but when he was 13 he walked away from it all. He started to shut the conversation down, so I switched topics and continued talking with him for a few more minutes. When I saw everyone hopping back in the cars, I figured it was time to wrap things up. I asked Bob if I could pray with him...which, if you know me, would totally push me out of my "comfort zone". I just really felt like I needed to ask him though. He ended up telling me no. Told me he thought "Someone else could use it more..." and that "All stuff wasn't really for him..."

Tonight Bob was out of books. I took him four books a couple weeks ago and he's read them three times already. I keep promising him some Frank Peretti books, because he loves the Sci-Fi/Thriller type stuff...just haven't been able to snag any of those yet. Jokingly, I told him I had a Bible in my bag that he was welcome to. There we go, open door. He starts telling me about his Catholic cousin and gay evangelical brother and how the red letters in the Bible really irk him. Here's the problem, according to Bob...How could it even be possible for someone to quote everything Jesus said word-for-word. I'm not sure where he came up with some of the timelines and statistics about literacy back in Jesus' day, but he was sure that it was impossible for those to be Jesus' exact words. The only explanation he would somewhat agree with me on was the fact that the overall ideas in Jesus' teachings are way more important than whether or not his words were written down verbatim. And I'll take that...I will take his half-satisfied, almost-agreement.

Wait now, here is the kicker. The man who told me two months ago that all this stuff really wasn't for him, tells me that us doing what we do and coming out every week has made him think that "...maybe we're right..." And you know, that may not seem like anything huge, but it sure brought a smile to my heart.

My prayer for now is that Bob would continue to ask questions and seek God...and maybe even let us pray with him soon.

P.S. If anyone has any good books I could pass along to Bob, that would be awesome! And if you'd like to come with me to deliver them and meet my friend, that would be even better! :)

Update On Mickey...

2010-01-17T17:46:00.000-08:00

Mickey ended up back in the hospital a couple weeks ago after feeling like he was having yet ANOTHER heart attack! Come to find out, he may have even had another small stroke...the doctors weren't ruling that out.

But, that's not all...they found a growth on his spine that has affected feeling in his feet and may have something to do with him losing almost 100 pounds this past year and not being able to keep food down from time to time. He also has a rare strand of TB and is the 9th person in Indianapolis to have contracted it. He is being treated for it, but visitors sill have to wear those pretty "duck masks". :)

He will be having surgery in a month to try and deal with the growth on his spine. And there are talks of him being placed in some sort of housing so that his health can continue to be monitored. That would be a blessing in itself.

As unpleasant as his situation sounds, Mickey is such a happy soul. He lifts my spirits EVERY time I get to hear him talk or just see his smile. I feel like I could just sit and listen to him all day...like a little kid with their grandpa! :) He has some really neat stories about his life and family and careers and is so knowledgeable about the Bible. Mickey is much more of a blessing in my life than I could ever be in his...and I'm willing to be that a lot of other people who know him feel something similar!

News At Davidson Street...

2010-01-05T21:07:00.000-08:00

I received a startling text message this morning from my friend Kim telling me that she had just received a starling e-mail saying there were emergency vehicles at Davidson Street -- one of the bigger homeless camps in our city. We have a number of friends living under that bridge, so we were obviously concerned. I went out and drove under the bridge to find...NOTHING! Everything was gone, it was bare...I'd never seen it so empty! Where was everyone? What happened!

I saw my friend Darvin moving his stuff back to his spot and asked him what was going on? Apparently a tent had somehow caught on fire and the city felt the need to extinguish more than the burning tent. The whole bridge...cleared out...the entire thing! Really! You're going to take people's tents, blankets, clothes, water...EVERYTHING! And do it when it's below freezing outside...

If you watch the clip from 6News & TheIndyChannel.com you can see them carrying it all off. My favorite part is the man on probation, doing this community service and trowing away everything these people have, "I gotta ask forgiveness for doin this. This ain't right..." Oh, wait, no...an even better part is Mayor Ballard's feelings of frustration "with groups who make life on the streets possible". Hmm. Guilty. I mean, I'd rather make LIFE on the streets possible, instead of making DEATH on the streets a reality.

But there is really no point in bashing the government or our politicians, it is what it is. And I will continue to do what I feel is right and I will continue to go where the Lord leads. I'm sorry, but I won't quit loving people because someone else doesn't think I'm going about it in the right way. That's just not going to happen. If someone is hungry or thirsty or cold or sad or mad or whatever...I am going to give them food or water or a blanket or shoulder on which to cry. It's that simple. When God breaks your heart for something or someone, there is just no escaping it.

Tonight Curly, Birdman, and myself went out with One Body Ministries to check up on some of our friends...especially those at Davidson Street. It was pretty bare at the bridge. We gave out some blankets and bottled water to a few guys. Mike and Carlton were awake, so I was able to chat with them for a little while. A couple other outreach teams had already been out and brought big pieces of cardboard and Visqueen to help block the wind and elements. I'm not sure where everyone took off to, but I hope we can find most of them tomorrow night.

I also got word that Micky was taken to the hospital on Sunday. I am going to do some checking around tomorrow and see what I can't find out. Please keep Micky in your prayers. His health seems to be going downhill and I just don't know that his body can take an entire winter on the streets. As far as I know, he has no intention of going in off the streets this winter.

I don't know what is going to happen at Davidson Street this winter, but I know I'm going to do whatever I can to make sure the next time the news crews make a visit down there it isn't to report a story about one of MY FRIENDS who has frozen to death!

It's Just A God Thing...

2010-01-03T14:03:00.000-08:00

I am simply...BLOWN AWAY!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you KNOW God is completely behind EVERYTHING that is happening? A moment when you realize that there is NO WAY that a specific chain of events could just be "coincidence". The last few days smacked me square in the face with thoughts like those.

Yesterday I was running and rushing around trying to work on that never ending to-do list. There wasn't too much going my way. My car isn't running, on top of that a tire is flat, I couldn't get the doors to the van unlocked because it was so cold, I got to the store and realized I left my debit card at home, when I pulled out my checkbook to pay my ink pen exploded ALL over my hands, and by that time I was supposed to be home 5 minutes ago to meet my best friend. Laura and I went to watch a move and got out later than expected. It was time to meet up for outreach and I still needed to run to the store. My phone starts ringing and I was sure it was going to be someone asking where I was, but it was Kim letting me know she was running late. Thank goodness, me too. I hurried home and threw my warm clothes on and the phone rings again. This time Kim was calling to let me know that the guys weren't coming. That left just us girls...and "outreach rules" say girls can't go out alone. Well, if you know Kim or me you could guess that we were going anyways. :)

We made it to the first camp and ALL the street lights were out, it was DARK! Really? Someone sure was trying hard to keep us from the streets that night...but, I hopped out and ran over to a few tents and hollered for some of our friends, it always makes us a little more comfortable to have a couple guys around that we trust. Mike, Eric, and Scott jumped right up with us. We hit a few more camps after that and decided we were going to head downtown to see if you could find anyone wanting to go in for the night -- it was bitter cold.

There didn't seem to be anyone out. We drove around the circle and spotted a couple guys who looked like they might want a cup of hot soup. I jumped out to go talk with them and as we walked back to the truck Kim came running around the corner telling me that we were taking this girl to the hospital now, so hurry . I had no idea she had even gotten out of the truck.

Mary was her name and Kim saw her struggling to carry an overstuffed duffle bag and a couple smaller plastic bags. She was in some serious pain. Come to find out the poor girl hadn't been to the bathroom in 8 DAYS! Ouch! Oh, and it happened to be her birthday as well...lovely way to spend a birthday, right? We got her to Wishard as fast as we could and sat with her until she was admitted. The doctors practically kicked us out of the room, so we headed back to the dat House to unload the truck. As far as we knew, that was that. Maybe we'd see her again one day, but maybe not. What we were certain of though, was that God put us exactly where He needed us that night. We hardly ever go to the circle anymore, because no one is allowed to feed there (and we won't even get started on that)...but God obviously pushed us in that direction for a very specific reason.

Here's where it gets good...

This morning I got up extra early and visited the 8:30 service at a church in my neighborhood. Well, Indy Metro, the church I attend doesn't start until 10:30, so I had time to kill. I stopped at MoJoe's and got a yummy latte and then started to head toward the bridges to see if I could talk any of the guys into coming to church. Here I am, driving down the street and all of the sudden I see that HUGE black and purple duffle bag...it was MARY! I hurried around the block so I could pull up beside her and asked if I could take her anywhere. She just wanted to get into a shelter. I told her she could come to church with me and then we would find her a place to stay. After church we ended up going out to lunch with some friends…and here is where it gets good again...

We asked Mary what kind of food sounded good and she said Italian, so we decided on Buca Di Beppo. Well, I was driving, so I dropped everyone off at the door and went to look for a parking spot. As I'm driving I spot a couple guys who looked familiar. I had to do a double take, but it was Eric and Josh, a couple guys from under the bridge. I honked and waved. Eric ran over and I asked him if I could give him a ride. So, I dropped the guys off at the library and went back around the block and continued looking for a parking spot. Okay, so there is no way this ISN’T a God thing. I saw the guys because they were walking up the street that Buca is on...We went to Buca because Mary wanted Italian...The only reason Mary was with us was because she was walking near the coffee shop where I stopped to get Chai...and the only reason I stopped to get Chai was because I was early for church since I miraculously woke up early enough (and I’m not a morning person) to make it to an 8:30 service. I mean, I could keep going...

Anyways, it was a great lunch. And back to my promise of getting her a place to sleep...the only shelter I could get her into didn’t do check-in until 4:00. I took her back to the office and got her a coat and some warm clothes and gave her the Handbook of Help, which lists all kinds of service providers (A good friend of mine called it the "Homeless Tour Guide", haha!). I walked her into the shelter and made plans to come get her in the morning to take her back to the hospital for her surgery.

This little snippet of the last couple days doesn’t even begin to explain the ways God is at work all around me. I’m just so glad that He is letting me be a part of it…that He has a purpose for me and can use me in small ways.

Please be praying for Mary if you would. I’m so thankful God brought her into my life. She is a sweet woman and has quite a story to tell. God bless you, Mary!

RIP Meisa...

2009-12-31T12:16:00.000-08:00

So, sad news...I lost my bunny today! He was the freakin' cutest little guy! And if you know me at all, you know I'm one of those people who loves their pets as much as most people love their children, so..I'm sure missing him! :'( Here's his little grave behind my house! RIP little bunny!

Music To My Ears, Literally...

2009-12-27T21:31:00.000-08:00

I just love seeing answered prayers.

I wrote a little about Micky a while back and how he REALLY wanted to have one "last chance" to play the piano. He's been in pretty poor heath, but you could never tell that by his spirits. He will tell you that he knows his time is coming, but he feels as though its a blessing. And I can totally understand that when he says that he is excited to go home and be with his Dad...with his HEAVENLY FATHER! Really though, what could be better? Nothing! But, I'm not going to lie...this man has had me in tears more than once! He is just such a beautiful soul. It's heartbreaking to see him under that bridge, pretty much waiting to die.

This video is from a couple weeks ago. The Walls family was kind enough to open up their home and let Micky come down and play their piano. He played tons of beautiful Christmas songs and we all sang along and drank hot chocolate. Seriously, something straight out of a move. It was indescribable. I'll tell you I'm not a big fan of Christmas music, but I'm willing to bet I won't forget that day or those songs he played...and that Christmas music I'm not so fond of may just carry some special memories from here on out. I really wish I could explain that afternoon to you...it was simply of God! Praise Him for that!

Keep praying for Micky if you would. For his comfort and safety this winter, and also for a continued feeling of peace that he so frequently expresses. Or, you could just come out and meet him yourself and see just what I'm talking about! Seriously! :)

"Chatting" With Jacob...

2009-12-27T20:57:00.001-08:00

By far, my favorite part of outreach is getting to talk to people! I love hearing stores and making friends. I've "met" Jacob a couple times under a bridge on Pennsylvania Street, but...he doesn't speak. The first couple times I just figured he didn't know English or something? Through friends, I eventually learned that his name was Jacob. Kim and I have joked around about who would get him to talk first. :)

Last Wednesday was the first time I'd seen him in a couple weeks and I was pretty excited. I just asked him if he remembered me and he smiled his BIG smile and shook his head yes. So, I continued..."Your name is Jacob, right?" He shakes his head yes. "Would you like anything to eat?" He smiles and shakes his head again.

After Amber and I went and fixed him a plate, I told her I was determined to get this man to speak to me. I started right back up with the questions. "Are you from Indianapolis?" and I just got a smile. Finally I said, "You know, you've never talked to me..." as he kept smiling, I asked why and he pointed to his throat. I felt awful at first, thinking this man was mute or something and I'm sitting here poking and poking and asking, practically begging to hear words come out of his mouth.

With a few more questions, I learned that he CAN talk, but it hurts him to do so. I obviously didn't get details. But, wondered how anyone knew his name if he didn't talk...apparently he had a short conversation with a good friend of mine and told her his name and he was on the streets because he lost his job.

I asked if he would talk to me one day and with that big, beautiful smile of his he nodded yes. We also made a deal that if we didn't get to talk, he would just write me a note...which is cool too! I'm excited to get to know Jacob and his story!

TDWM On Channel 8 (WISH-TV)...

2009-12-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

Our Beautiful Friend, Mickey...

2009-12-09T20:58:00.000-08:00

I've been home for a couple hours now, but my toes are still freezing. It was so cold and so windy tonight, but I'm thankful that we were able to make it out to the streets. I FINALLY got to see Mickey tonight. It's been months since I've seen him; and the last thing we heard before we lost touch with him was that he had a heart attack and was in the hospital. We searched and searched and searched, but no luck.

The night we first met Mickey was unforgettable. We got a call from Plainfield United Methodist, who also does outreach on Wednesday nights, asking if we had any blankets. There was a new guy under one of the bridges who had nothing...he wasn't prepared at all to be sleeping outside. As Kim and I sat down to try to get to know this new face, the first thing I noticed was his clothes. Not your everyday homeless guy get-up. He had on a nice collared shirt, dressy pants and shoes, and a peacoat. It was his second night on the streets. Not second night this time around, second night EVER! He told us incredible stories about his life. He is a really neat man...born in Russia, retired school teacher, Jewish, has a handful of children, concert pianist, and it went on and on. None of us wanted to see him stay out there another night, but he said he knew that God wanted him there. So we continued to visit him and tried to get to know him a little better each week for the next few weeks...but it wasn't long until he dissappeared.

A few weeks ago, I had taken some of the High School kids from the Riverside neighborhood downtown to do outreach, while the rest of the "grown-ups" went to the bridges and camps. We all ended up back at the DAT House looking for more stuff...coats, blankets, gloves, and things of the sort. It was then that Kim told me that Mickey was back! NO WAY! I was really glad to hear that...well, not glad that he was back under the bridge, but glad that he was alive! He really did have a heart attack and after he was released from the hospital he visited some friends and family up in Michigan, then made his way back down to Indianapolis.

Honestly though, he is looking rough...the streets and his health are really taking a toll on him. Tonight was the first night I actually got to see him and talk to him since he's been back. He's been asleep a couple of the other times I had come under the bridge...but, he also had ANOTHER heart attack last week! He's talked about "the end" since the day we met him, but he is talking about it a lot more these days. Mickey is certain that it's almost his time. He tells us that he feels blessed to know that...it gave him a chance to make peace with himself, with God, and with a few people...and he is ready to go. I know reading that may sound sad, but if you could talk to him and hear it from his mouth, I promise you would smile as big as we were tonight! I'll tell you that he flipped my night upside down...God sure spoke through him tonight! It's funny how that happens...EVERYTIME, everytime I'm having a crappy day or am in a bad mood or just being a jerk for no real reason. It's almost like God is saying, "Yeah, go ahead. Just TRY to act like you have ANYTHING to complain about. Seriously!" He's funny like that! I wish everyone could sit and talk with Mickey...I can almost promise you would get something incredible out of it as well!

One thing that he did mention tonight was that he would REALLY love to be able to play the piano one last time! (Okay, that part was sad...even with his big beautiful smile.) We are working on making that happen...so pray with us on that one, please!

A few of us are going to try and take him out for lunch Saturday afternoon and hopefully hunt down a piano somewhere downtown...if you've got ideas, those would be super helpful!

Thank You, Jesus...

2009-12-09T20:55:00.000-08:00

Thank you. There isn't much more to say, really.

Simply & Only God...

2009-12-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

"No soul can be really at rest until it has given up all dependence on everything else and has been forced to depend on the Lord alone. As long as our expectation is from other things, nothing but disappointment awaits us. Feelings may change, and will change with our changing circumstances; doctrines and dogmas may be upset; Christian work may come to naught; prayers may seem to lose their fervency; promises may seem to fail; everything that we have believed in or depended upon may seem to be swept away, and only God is left, just God, the bare God, if I may be allowed the expression; simply and only God."

-- Hannah Whitall Smith

Chyaa...that's what I want...SIMPLY AND ONLY, GOD! I know when I depend on me to fix my problems or ease my pain or restore my joy, none of that ever really happens. Sure, I can fake it with the best of 'em...but I end up back where I started. It's really just a waste of time and energy...seriously, I've been there more than once or twice. And I've also lived in moments where I was bankin' on God and God alone! I'm reminding myself and promising you, that fully depending on God will be pretty freaking hard and frankly painful; but those moments of difficulty and grief are nothing compared to my God...the maker of the universe, the creator of EV-ER-Y-THING!

Some Things...

2009-12-07T08:25:00.000-08:00

Life has been a kind of rough lately and times like these make it easy to just retreat and be mad at the world, seriously! But, I know God has a plan...and even when my selfish flesh steps in and throws a big fat wrench in things...He ends up using it. Now, how can I not be thankful for that. The "crap" I've done and been through the last 23 years can and WILL be used for His glory. The moments I actually cling to that are the ones I experience the most peace and freedom!

And those of you who really know me know that music and lyrics are one of my "escapes"...so needless to say...the music has been BLARING the last few days! :) This song has been a favorite for a long time...and it's perfect right now! I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt, but...I really am "Thankful, For Every Break In My Heart, I'm Grateful, For Every Scar..." Because I've been here before and know all too well that I can't go backward...so I'll go forward and just keep learning.

Lessons Learned -- Carrie Underwood

There's Some Things That I Regret,
Some Words I Wish Had Gone Unsaid,
Some Starts,
That Had Some Better Endings,
Been Some Bad Times I've Been Through,
Damage I Cannot Undo.
Some Things,
I Wish I Could Do All All Over Again,
But It Don't Really Matter,
When Life Gets That Much Harder,
It Makes You That Much Stronger,
Oh, Some Pages Turned,
Some Bridges Burned,
But There Were,
Lessons Learned.

And Every Tear That Had To Fall From My Eyes,
And Everyday I Wondered How I'd Get Through The Night,
Every Change, Life Has Thrown Me,
I'm Thankful, For Every Break In My Heart,
I'm Grateful, For Every Scar,
Some Pages Turned,
Some Bridges Burned,
But There Were Lessons Learned.

There's Mistakes That I Have Made,
Some Chances I Just Threw Away,
Some Roads,
I Never Should Have Taken,
Been Some Signs I Didn't See,
Hearts That I Hurt Needlessly,
Some Wounds,
That I Wish I Could Have One More Chance To Mend,
But It Don't Make No Difference,
The Past Can't Be Rewritten,
You Get The Life You're Given,
Oh, Some Pages Turned,
Some Bridges Burned,
But There Were,
Lessons Learned.

And All The Things That Break You,
Are The Things That Make You Strong.
You Can't Change The Past,
Cause It's Gone.
And You Just Gotta Move On,
Because It's All
Lessons Learned.

Spanky...

2009-12-05T19:14:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that it is barely 25° degrees outside this evening...I'm really glad I was able to be outside hanging out with my friends on the streets!

A lesson I learned quickly when I started doing outreach was not to get too bummed out when we "lose" someone...people are ALWAYS moving around...ALL the time...so it's impossible to keep in touch with everyone you meet out there. Once in awhile we "find" someone out of the blue. Well, it's never an accident...God always seem to put us where He needs us...and sometimes it turns into a nice surprise!

Kim and I met Spanky back in July...and as I walked under a bridge downtown tonight to visit my friend, Rodney, I was introduced to this "new" guy...Rodney was like, "This is my friend, Jena! I'm famous, she will tell you!"...and he does this almost every time I see him. (I was looking at pictures on Flickr one day and someone had taken a picture of him out panhandling...I told him about it and joked that he was famous because he was on the internet...now he tells everyone...it makes me smile!) So, naturally, I asked him what his name was and he says, "Spanky". I got pretty excited...Here is a little bit of what I wrote back when I met him this summer...

"I would like to tell you about Spanky. He promised that was his real name, so as far as I know, Spanky really is Spanky. We bumped into him tonight on Meridian Street. He told us he dances in front of the bars and sometimes that is how he earns money; he was actually dancing when we approached him tonight. He definitely got a smile out of all of us. What really bothers me though, is what happened to him and his friends last night. Spanky and his friends sleep in a parking garage downtown and he woke up last night to someone kicking him in the side, once he realized he wasn’t dreaming and that someone had really just KICKED him WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING, they did it again. He told us he asked them why they were kicking him, but that is about as far as he took it since he is a pretty small guy and he didn’t want to get into a fight. Then he told us he was really scared about things going on in town this weekend. He mentioned that in the past years, during this same weekend of festivities, he has had other homeless friends both SHOT and STABBED, for no other reason than hatred. I’m really uneasy about all of that. I’m not sure how someone can have the nerve to kick a sleeping man, let alone stab someone just because their lifestyle seems strange or bizarre. And this sure isn’t the only story I’ve heard about violent acts being carried out against the homeless people of this city, but this is just fresh in my heart and in my mind." [Rude Awakening...]

We looked for Spanky in quite a few parking garages downtown for a couple weeks after that...no luck. He tried to explain to us where he slept, but we couldn't find him.

But, back to tonight...Rodney told me he found Spanky laying in an alley and he was really, really drunk! He said he "drug" him under the bridge and had been taking care of him for a couple days! Rodney is such a sweet guy...I just love him! We did our best to get Spanky whatever he needed...socks, gloves, a meal...but unfortunatly no underwear. He made sure to tell me he was "free-ballin' it", haha! But seriously...Spanky needs some prayers. He is supposed to be going into rehab on Tuesday. He told us he would find us when he gets out and that he would be a different man. We let him know we were going to hold him to that. So, it looks like I'm going to "lose" Spanky again...but this time I hope I DON'T see him for a while...pray that he can stick it out in rehab and get back on his feet and off the streets!

What Can I Say...

2009-12-05T14:14:00.000-08:00

What Can I Say -- Carrie Underwood

"The Space Between What Was Meant To Be & The Mess That It Turned Into...
It's Never Easy, It's Like Trying To Spin The World The Other Way...
What Can I Say..."

Anyway...

2009-12-02T23:06:00.000-08:00

I want to dream big, crazy dreams! I want to stand on the promise that tomorrow is a new day...maybe even a better day! I want to love people with every bit of everything I have! Who cares if it hurts! I'm going to stand up for what I know is right and the things I believe in...as "small" as they may seem! And if all I can ever do is just that, then...why not! Yeah, maybe some people will look at me a little funny, or mistake my kindness for weakness, or just up and walk away from me...maybe! But, what if they don't! What if they dream big, crazy dreams of their own and wake up to a new day full of hope and stand strong on their beliefs and spend their lives loving the crap (yes, you read that right...) out of everyone they ever know...Yeah, that would be totally sweet, right?

So, I think I'm just going to sing, and dream, and love...anyway!

Anyway -- Martina McBride

You Can Spend Your Whole Life Building
Something From Nothin'
One Storm Can Come And Blow It All Away
Build It Anyway

You Can Chase A Dream
That Seems So Out Of Reach
And You Know It Might Not Ever Come Your Way
Dream It Anyway

God Is Great
But Sometimes Life Ain't Good
And When I Pray
It Doesn't Always Turn Out Like I Think It Should
But I Do It Anyway
I Do It Anyway

This World's Gone Crazy
It's Hard To Believe
That Tomorrow Will Be Better Than Today
Believe It Anyway

You Can Love Someone With All Your Heart
For All The Right Reasons
In A Moment They Can Choose To Walk Away
Love 'Em Anyway

God Is Great
But Sometimes Life Ain't Good
And When I Pray
It Doesn't Always Turn Out Like I Think It Should
But I Do It Anyway
Yea - I Do It Anyway

You Can Pour Your Soul Out Singing
A Song You Believe In
That Tomorrow They'll Forget You Ever Sang
Sing It Anyway
Yea, Sing It Anyway
Yeah, Yeah!

I Sing
I Dream
I Love Anyway

As Promised...In December's Newsletter...

2009-12-02T13:05:00.000-08:00

If you received a copy of TDWM's December newsletter and were looking for more information about me and my involvement with the organization...You are in the right place...

In case we don't really know each other, I'll catch you up real quick on the BIG things God has done in my life...

CLICK HERE!

For those of you wondering how I got involved with TDWM and things of the sort...

CLICK HERE!

Now that you are up to speed, I'd love to share an important letter with you...so, you know the drill...

CLICK HERE!

Thank you for your continued support of TDWM! I look forward to hearing from you!

Jena Osbon
946 E. Pleasant Run Parkway N. Dr.
Indianapolis, IN 46203
(574)727-5362
jlosbon@gmail.com
www.jlosbon.blogspot.com

P.S. Please, feel free to look around the rest of my blog! :)

Youth Homelessness Up, Advocates Say...

2009-12-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

Child advocates say the number of homeless children in Indiana is at a staggering level and is increasing by the year.

The Indiana Youth Institute said that because the economy is still sluggish, the number of children sleeping in cars, bouncing between the homes of friends and family members and shelters grows each year.

"The No. 1 thing we need to do is create public awareness. We all need to be talking about this and be aware of this so that these homeless children don't become invisible," said Bill Stanczykiewicz of IYI.

Indiana public schools reported a 12 percent increase in the number of homeless students. The figures are based on the amount of children who are helped by federal services.

Statistics showed there were more than 8,400 homeless students during 2007-2008 school year, up from a little more than 7,500 in the 2005-2006 school year.

IYI officials said the federal tracking system did not include the estimated 5,400 kids under the age of 6 who aren’t served by public schools.
Outreach Inc., on Indianapolis' east side, is a drop in center that helps homeless teens "that functions as a one-stop shop so they can come in and get food, clothing, basic first aid, take a shower, do their laundry, talk to a case manager,” said Eric Howard, executive director of Outreach Inc.

Howard said the organization saw a jump in the number of children who rely on "survival sex."

“A significant majority of our youth admitted to being involved in survival sex, which is an exchange of a sexual act, not necessarily for money, although it could be for money, but for a place to stay, for food for shelter, just some place in which they can get off the street,” Howard said.

Organizations that help homeless children say it’s important to get children in school and in federally programs that can help them.

“The entire community can play a role through our volunteer efforts, through our charitable giving. We can all make a difference to help these folks,” said Stanczykiewicz.

In Need Of Your Support...

2009-12-02T10:39:00.000-08:00

Dear Family and Friends,

I am writing to sincerely thank you for all the support, thoughts, and prayers you’ve provided in my life this far. I’m also writing to invite you to be a part of the next steps in my journey with the Lord. I have received a wonderful opportunity to come onboard as a full-time staff member with an incredible organization called Tear Down The Walls Ministries. TDWM’s mission is to share the love and truth of Jesus Christ with Indianapolis’ homeless population and at-risk urban youth. My main responsibilities include: mentoring TDWM’s high school interns, organizing and facilitating weekly youth group meetings, homeless case management and street outreach, as well as managing phone, e-mail, and social media communication. I am very excited to see how God is working right here in Indianapolis, and how He is allowing me to be a part of it.

These past several months have been exciting and difficult ones to go through. The Lord has been challenging me to follow after Him in every aspect of my life. He has been asking me to chase after Him without worrying; reminding me to simply walk in His footsteps knowing that He has a plan and will continue to guide my path. I feel that this opportunity with TDWM is a vital piece in my walk with the Lord. I have spent a great deal of time volunteering with TDWM and have come face to face with so many people who are frequently thought of as the lowest and most hopeless in our society; but a lack of possessions, less-than-ideal living situation, or past and present struggles do not make anyone less deserving of God’s amazing love. I’m learning to look at the world through the eyes of Christ and reach out with love in all circumstances. I am so excited for this chance to be the hands and feet that help bring the powerful love of Jesus to people who have felt or been told for so long that they are beyond hope or that they are not good enough to be loved. I am so thankful that God has given me a heart able to reject this world’s view of inner-city troubles and those who are hurting or struggling. I am confident that God is going to continue to break my heart for serving those who are constantly shoved aside and continuously overlooked.

As a staff member I am responsible for raising my entire salary. So, needless to say, I am taking a giant leap of faith, but I am completely confident that God has called me to this position and I trust that in following His plan all my needs will be provided.

I am asking you to, first, please partner with me in praying for TDWM and all those who are served through the many programs and services provided. I’d also like to ask you to pray for my effectiveness as part of this organization as well as my personal and spiritual growth.

Second, please consider supporting me financially in this ministry opportunity through start-up or monthly contributions. No gift is too small, nor will any amount of support go unappreciated. Anything you can commit to will bring me closer to my goal and continue to make this opportunity possible.

Finally, think about offering your time, energy, or resources to stand alongside TDWM and myself. There are an infinite number ways that you can make a positive difference in this city, in someone’s life, or even in yourself by being willing to take a step outside your comfort zone.

If you are willing to partner with me and/or TDWM on any level to help extend genuine love and quality time to both the homeless population and at-risk youth in Indianapolis, I have enclosed a Partnership Commitment Card for your response. There are a number of ways you can be a part of this with me, so please do no hesitate to reply with whatever decision or commitment God has laid on your heart.

I have been so blessed by the situations in which God has planted me and the people He has placed around me. It’s almost impossible to explain how much work God has done in my life and in my heart to mold and shape me and bring me to where I am today. I know the thoughts and prayers of great friends and dearly-loved family members had more than a lot to do with that. So, as much as I need your financial support, and I really do, I also really need your prayers.

I want to thank you again for being a part of my life. I’m excited to continue to share with you where the Lord is leading me and what He is teaching me through all this. Please don’t hesitate to keep in touch with me as I continue to journey this path along which God is guiding me.

Because He First Loved Us,

Jena Osbon

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you are interested in hearing more about TDWM and/or my involvement, please do not hesitate to call, e-mail, or reply via postal mail. Again, anything you can commit to is greatly appreciated and I am thrilled to be able to share this step in my life with you.

Please Include Your:
Name, Address, Phone Number, E-mail, and Preferred Method Of Contact.

Support Suggestions:
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Jena Osbon
946 E. Pleasant Run Parkway N. Dr.
Indianapolis, IN 46203
(574)727-5362
jlosbon@gmail.com
www.jlosbon.blogspot.com

All donations are tax-deductible and checks can be made out to Tear Down The Walls Ministries.

Reality...

2009-11-25T07:06:00.000-08:00

As I walked into Watkins last night one of the girls from The Surf (TDWM's 1st-6th grade youth program) came up to me and said, "He got stabbed." I was thinking, what? Who got stabbed? And then I asked, "What!" She pointed to one of the kids who is in The Wave (TDWM's 7th-12th grade youth program). Even though its been a couple months, I still don't know ALL the kids who come hang out with us, but I did happen to know this kid. His name is Bryant. I asked him to come talk to me and was just trying to figure out what happened. This boy is maybe 13, maybe! He's a 7th grader! And he really did get stabbed! What's even crazier to me is this isn't uncommon, it probably isn't as "big of a deal" to most people in that neighborhood as it was to me when I heard it. I tried to get the story out of him and I'm thinking there could very well be some missing pieces in there...but, he told me that him, his brother, and his cousin were all outside this weekend when a kid from school walked up to them and said he was going to kill them -- another Jr. High student, mind you. This kid went back home, grabbed a knife, and came back to the boys with some friends. Bryant told me this kid started swinging the knife around and came really close to him so he threw his arm up to block his face and that's when he was stabbed. He showed me where his arm is all bandaged up and has over 50 stitches inside his arm and over 50 on the surface! He saw "stuff", as he said, hanging out of his arm...but, also made sure to let me know that he did NOT cry! Oh, boys! :) He isn't going to school this week because of it, and I really hope things will be okay when both boys are back in school together.
Please, please pray for Bryant! And pray for Riverside -- we love the kids that we work with and would hate to see anything happen to any of them! God has given a lot of people big dreams and provided them with great imagination of what that neighborhood could be if people would learn to love. So, really...pray for Riverside!

Comment From My Amazing Friend, Cathy:
"Jena,
I have a fondness for all of my Wave kids but Bryant holds a very large place in my heart! I would bring him home in a heart beat if his Momma said it was okay. He is my Buddy! We just got off the phone with his Mom, we called right away when we read this. We found out that we know the boy who stabbed him as well. He used to come to the ... See MoreWave. Bryant's Mom is very scared and upset, as well she should be. It is time to get more serious about these boys lives! Time to step up and do what we as Christians are called to do! This really hits home and brings the reality in to focus of what it means to live in Riverside and how God has placed us there to Disciple these young men and woman and Roar like a Wave over Riverside. Thank you so much for letting us know and your continued work with these kids! We love you Jena!"

Drop Your Chains...

2009-11-13T07:31:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of worshiping with both Steve Fee & Charlie Hall the other night at the Passion Twenty Ten Campus Tour. It was an amazing night of praise...that I got to share with my sister! Simply awesome...and so worth the almost 4 hour drive to Bowling Green, KY!

These were a couple of my favorite songs!

On The Flipside...

2009-11-07T22:27:00.000-08:00

Outreach was great tonight! The weather was awesome, Kim made more of her homemade veggie soup, AND we got to visit about 5 camps and see TONS of our friends! Something that I find really cool is that there are different groups of people hitting the streets of Indianapolis every night to feed our homeless friends! Before we pulled up to Davidson Street bridge tonight (the biggest camp we visit) a few other groups had already delivered meals. Someone brought an insane amount of Jimmy John's subs and people were carrying around platters full of sandwiches...so, our friends offered to share with us! How about that...homeless people feeding us! I'm glad God lets me find joy in the small things like this...it sure made my heart smile! :)

Hey 'FML'...Meet 'GMH'...

2009-11-06T22:25:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard of 'FML', good...but, to most people the phrase and/or website are all too familiar. FML stands for F My Life and is literally collection of downright depressing and discouraging stories. Today, a friend of mine posted a link to 'GMH', which stands for Gives Me Hope...awesome! Same concept, people get to share short little stories from thier lives, but ones with a positive and optimistic theme! Check it out...

GMH

"But, I Eat Apples!"...

2009-11-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

The happenings at The Wave tonight both shocked and encouraged me. The majority of the students we serve rarely listen to the "talk" part of the evening and of the few that do listen, even less participate in any sort of discussion. That wasn't the case at all tonight...praise Jesus!
Tonight, Patrick told the story about the woman at the well (John 4:1-42) and the aim was to share that Jesus can and will forgive anyone of any sin -- I love how Jesus expresses his gentleness and love in this story! Anyways, it didn't take more than a couple minutes for hands to start popping up and asking questions...I'm not sure where they all came from or why the students chose this week to speak up, but I'm thankful. We did our best to keep everyone on topic and not dig too deep into the "hard stuff" -- you know, the classic theological debate questions. It's so, so, so much more important that we help them understand Jesus' love and forgiveness and the fact that we've all been given the chance to be right in God's sight.
After splitting into smaller groups, we took a few minutes to break things down and give an opportunity for discussion and questions. My girls were FULL of questions! It was really cool to get them thinking about what forgiveness really meant and how serious the love of the Lord really is! It was only a few weeks ago that one of the girls pretty much told me I was wasting my time being there -- she literally told me that maybe if I was "like them" people would listen to me (the neighborhood we serve --Riverside -- is predominantly black). I won't lie and say that thoughts like that have never entered my head, but walking away over skin color makes no sense to me. After asking the girls if they've ever felt if they were "beyond" forgiveness there was some hesitation, so I thew out the fact that I've had those feelings more than once. As soon as I shared a couple examples of things I've struggled with, girls began to sit up and look at me like they understood. Then the conversation got rolling again...and this time I felt like they were listening and were no longer thinking I was some crazy white girl trying to butt into their lives and tell them a bunch of irrelevant garbage! It was question after question after question at this point...Weren't there really 11 Commandments? Does the Bible talk about other planets? It's okay to lie to other people, just not God, right? What if you want to ask for forgiveness after you die? And...one girl shouts out, "But, I eat apples!"...I wasn't ready for that! Her concern was the "fruit" in the Garden of Eden and what kind it was and what if she eats it today?
These young ladies (and gentlemen) could benefit tremendously from opportunities to spend time in the Word. Please pray that they would hunger and thirst for more and continue to ask questions and seek out the answers. Any frustrations I've had over the last couple months were completely stamped out by what I experienced tonight...these kids really are looking for that "something more" out there, whether they've realized that yet or not! I'm excited to see how God is going to use The Wave and move in the lives of the kids in the Riverside neighborhood.

God's Listening...

2009-10-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

I love seeing and hearing how the Lord is working in peoples lives...God never ceases to amaze me! There is such encouragement in even the seemingly "small" things.

Today, a couple of us from TDWM met with on of the teachers from IndyMet to help get our newest intern all set up and ready to go. Aqilla has actually been volunteering with us for the last few months, so it was exciting to hear that she wanted to intern with TDWM. She will be working with us on Wednesdays, which happens to be one of the days that we have our Bible study and lunch. I could sense some excitement from her when she realized that as part of her internship she was going to get to study the Word...personally, I think I had that same feeling of excitement when I realized that one of the really great things about working with TDWM full-time meant that, twice a week, it was my "job" to study the Bible. And, although seeing her enthusiasm was a real blessing, there is more...

On Thursday nights we have our youth program for students in grades 7-12, called The Wave, which Aqilla is apart of, along with her older sister and one of our other interns. We talked tonight about how God DOES use young people and discussed the stories of people like Ruth and David. While explaining how important it is to listen to God in order to know where He needs us to be and what He needs us to do, it was mentioned that it is absolutely crucial to spend time reading God's word. It is amazing how God can speak to each and every one of us through that book, that we may have read a million times over OR never even opened. Seriously, just flip through the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) and read about Jesus' life here on earth, I'm positive God will move! But, back to what has me smiling...we announced that we were going to start having a girl's Bible study and a guy's Bible study every week in order to help them break into reading and studying the Bible on a more regular basis.

As we were packing up and heading out the door, Aqilla told us how happy she was, because she had been praying for a while that she would be able to get involved in a Bible study...and now she has TWO chances each week! It's encouraging to see these high school students so eager to learn more about our Savior...almost every kid at the Wave tonight signed up to attend the Bible studies! Praise Jesus on that one, for sure!

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

On Your Knees...

2009-10-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

I love this. It's easy to let pretty much anything morph into everything it isn't supposed to be. And in ministry we too commonly dismiss it on the grounds that we are "furthering the kingdom" and "doing the Lord's work" and blah, blah. Don't get me wrong, the work is important...I don't think for one second God just wants us to sit on our butts and wait for the show to start, but what are we counting on? I know my efforts aren't going to cut it...God has got to be in control, I've got to let Him use me! Who knows what that may look like...it could be a hundred times different than anything I imaged, but what I do know is that if I'm not talking to Him and listening to Him and seeking and searching for where it is He wants me, then...what's the point, really? Besides, I think it's a pretty sweet deal that I CAN talk to and hear from my father in heaven...talk to and hear from the creator of EVERYTHING! When I see it like that, I wonder why I don't pray more often...

Pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest

-Matthew 9:38

The Key to the Master’s Orders - Oswald Chambers The key to the missionary’s difficult task is in the hand of God, and that key is prayer, not work— that is, not work as the word is commonly used today, which often results in the shifting of our focus away from God. The key to the missionary’s difficult task is also not the key of common sense, nor is it the key of medicine, civilization, education, or even evangelization. The key is in following the Master’s orders— the key is prayer. "Pray the Lord of the harvest . . . ." In the natural realm, prayer is not practical but absurd. We have to realize that prayer is foolish from the commonsense point of view. From Jesus Christ’s perspective, there are no nations, but only the world. How many of us pray without regard to the persons, but with regard to only one Person— Jesus Christ? He owns the harvest that is produced through distress and through conviction of sin. This is the harvest for which we have to pray that laborers be sent out to reap. We stay busy at work, while people all around us are ripe and ready to be harvested; we do not reap even one of them, but simply waste our Lord’s time in over-energized activities and programs. Suppose a crisis were to come into your father’s or your brother’s life— are you there as a laborer to reap the harvest for Jesus Christ? Is your response, "Oh, but I have a special work to do!" No Christian has a special work to do. A Christian is called to be Jesus Christ’s own, "a servant [who] is not greater than his master" (John 13:16), and someone who does not dictate to Jesus Christ what he intends to do. Our Lord calls us to no special work— He calls us to Himself. "Pray the Lord of the harvest," and He will engineer your circumstances to send you out as His laborer.

If God Created Everything...

2009-10-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

I think I’ve mentioned the partnership between TDWM and The Watkins Family Center in Riverside, anyways…on Tuesdays and Thursdays we run a youth program for kids in the neighborhood. It gives them a chance for them to hang out, play games, grab a bite to eat, and hear a little bit about Jesus. These kids give us a run for our money a lot of times, but I know God is going to use these nights to work in the lives of these kids and I can’t wait to see what He’s up to!

Tonight we had the high school kids and we talked about evil and whether or not it was created by God. We split the kids into a couple groups and each group sent a spokesperson up to voice their opinion on the topic. We had some great arguments from both groups. We wrapped up with a short story I’d like to share with you.

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition.. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question,
Professor?" "Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat." The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

So, whatever your opinion on God or evil or anything else, this sure makes you think. When you feel like all you see around you is evil, try inviting God into that darkness – His power will surprise you! There isn’t anything He can’t handle, no situation He can’t turn around…the evil WE’VE created is no match for the God I serve!

Dear Friend...

2009-10-11T23:36:00.000-07:00

This song is so beautiful! Ever wonder what the world or maybe even just your house or classroom would be like if we were all giving our friends or even strangers words like these...I know I could stand to love and encourage some of the people in my life a lot more! I love you, friends!

Tammy & K...

2009-10-11T22:02:00.000-07:00

So, when we were heading out the door for outreach on Wednesday, Kim and I were chatting about plans for the evening and friends we wanted to make sure to visit. I didn't realized we weren't going to the bridges, which was a bummer...I love catching up with my friends over there and Kim had also promised a book to Tammy. Anyways, we start driving downtown and get close to University Park where we had planned to park, and...there was Tammy! Mind you, this is a nice little mile or so walk from where we usually see her. We just all looked at each other and quickly remembered that God puts us where He needs us, not where we think we need to be. I seriously had goosebumps! Off the almost 800,000 people in this city...what are the chances!

Well, after catching up with Tammy, we started heading downtown to hang out with whoever was out and hand out some sandwiches and snacks. We barely made it around Monument Circle when we ran into a group of people, most of which were teenagers. There were a couple familiar faces, but it didn't talk more than a couple seconds for about half of them to take off -- which isn't uncommon with "runaways" or homeless teenagers. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Kim walking away from the group with a young girl. I thought I'd better go walk with her since she kind of took off in a hurry. It didn't take long to realize something was wrong. (It looks like there was another reason God sent us walking downtown instead of to the camps that night.) She told us to just keep walking...even when we asked to if we could sit down on a bench and talk...no, keep walking. She was frantically trying to get away from that group of people. We finally convinced her that as long as she stayed with us she would be fine. We didn't get much out of her in way of a story before she asked for my cell phone to call her mom -- who apparently didn't care a whole lot about her daughter or her situation.

She told us she'd come up to Indy to get away from her hometown, but didn't know anyone or have any sort of plan. Her first night here, she met a guy who offered to take her to where he was staying...which happened to be an abandoned house with about 9 other people. To add to her first night excitement, she learned that the people living in this house were a "gang". They were kind enough to let her join -- after they initiated her, of course. They beat this poor girl with pipes and paddles and fists...then told her she was now a "GD", couldn't wear red, and couldn't leave the house alone. I'm not even going to comment on that, but...apparently, they found reasons to continue beating her...I guess 9 people beating on a little 19 year-old girl proves you are crazy hardcore, right?

She showed us bruise after bruise and really thought she had a cracked rib. I can't even begin to explain the insane amount of manipulation, hatred, exploitation, and just plain stupidity I witnessed that night! We heard stories from...I just call her K...but we also heard stories from "Mom" and "Dad" and their "kids"! Let me tell you about sad and messed up...they admitted to being a "gang", beating on K into the gang, but also beating her on other occasions as well. It didn't take long to catch on to the fact that this poor girl had no idea what a family or real friend or love even remotely looked like! One second she was freaked out to see "Mom" walking our way...but she leaned down and told her that she loved her and to go with us and let us help her get off the streets. They start hugging and telling each other they love one another and on and on...and a few of us who'd seen this started looking at each other in amazement...and not the good kind, we were sick! We pulled her away and started heading back to the cars. I really can't even start to explain everything we experienced up to this point. I was shocked, sickened, angry, heartbroken, confused, and just praying there was something we could do to help K.

Kim and I took her to the hospital get her rib among other things checked out...it was a long night, to say the least. Again, it would be impossible to even start to explain it. To make a really long story a little less, well...long...after hearing from the doctor and social worker that she would be able to stay at the hospital, we all headed home. The next morning, Brian, the director of TDWM was able to get her into a shelter which she managed to get kicked out of the next morning. We don't know the whole story, but a few of us spent a good amount of time last night exploring resources, tyring to track down family members, and finally just praying! We had no idea where she was going to go. She was able to stay with our awesome friends last night. We'll be trying a couple more shelters tomorrow to see if we can get her in anywhere -- but a really big concern is her running into the wonderful "family" that took her in. It won't take long for their paths to cross and she could very well end right back up where she started.

So, if you would...please pray for K and this whole situation. Pray that she would begin to see that she needs to make some major changes in her life, that shelter would be provided for her, that she would experience true love and affection from the only One who can give it. K has a number of medical and behavioral issues, and it's hard to say the root of each of them, but it's more than apparent that she has had an extremely difficult and painful 19 years. Just pray that God would wrap her in His loving arms and let her know that He is so very real and will never leave her or mistreat her! Also, pray for guidance, patience, and wisdom for everyone working on her case...I have faith that God will do something, but it is all in His timing!

And before I skip over Tammy, please pray for her as well. She is struggling with an addiction and has expressed a desire to get help, but just hasn't taken that step yet. Also, her very abusive boyfriend will be getting out of jail really, really soon and she is trying to decide if she wants to continue their relationship...pray the answer would be as obvious to her as it is to those outside the situation and that she would see how beautiful and precious she really is!

Welcome Air 1...

2009-10-08T13:42:00.000-07:00

So, I'm pretty stoked that Air 1 Radio is coming to Indy! :)
I love all the stations that I get to listen to at home on iTunes like:

XMusicOnline
TheBlast.FM
Solid Rock Radio
The Rock HD & YHot HD
Reign Radio
Lead Me To The Rock Radio
The Crossing

But, when it comes to being stuck in the car...that's a different story! And, I love all kinds of music -- seriously, down-home, back-woods country to super hard make-you-want-to-mosh metalcore...but it doesn't take too long to get a little annoyed at all the negative, vulgar, and honestly disgusting lyrics. So, it was great to hear that if I'm without my iPod or CDs, I atleast have one more option that isn't, well...lame! :)
So, if you are in Indy...Air 1 will be on 90.5 and K-Love has moved to 101.9!

\m/ Rock on, friends! \m/

Lay 'Em Down...

2009-10-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

I just love the fact that there isn't anything we can't lay before God. He'll take it all. We've just got to give it to Him. And I'll admit that sometimes it's not all that easy to let go -- even when it's something that we know is not good. I know in my life, there have been many times where God has simply broughten me to the point where I just become sick and tired of my troubles and problems and issues; and the only place left to go is to the Cross and leave it all there. It's just so amazing that we can take it all to Him, at any point in any day...the big stuff and the seemingly small stuff...and He loves us the same!
Oh, yeah...I just can't get enough of this song! So I thought I'd share it!

Lay 'Em Down -- NeedToBreathe

Come Down To The River Come And Let Yourself In
Make Good On A Promise To Never Hurt Again
If You're Lost And Lonely
You're Broken Down
Bring All Of Your Troubles
Come Lay 'Em Down

All You Sinners And The Weak At Heart
All You Helpless On The Boulevards
Wherever You Are Now
Whatever Evil You've Found
Bring All Of Your Troubles
And Come Lay 'Em Down

We're All Tied To The Same Old Failing
Finding Shelter In Things We Know
We're All Dirty Like Corrupted Small Towns
We'll Bring Our Troubles
We'll Bring Our Troubles
Lay 'Em Down

All You Rich Men And The High Above
All Of Those With And Without Love
All You Burdened Broken Down
Bring All Of Your Troubles
Come Lay 'Em Down
Come Lay 'Em Down

Come All You Broken,
Come Lay 'Em Down
Come All You Helpless,
Come Lay 'Em Down
Bring All Your Burdens,
Come Lay 'Em Down
And Just Lay 'Em Down,
Come Lay 'Em Down
Come Lay 'Em Down

Cry Out...

2009-10-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

I'm sort of getting myself ready for a "challenging" next few days, maybe even week. I'm preparing myself and my heart for a huge leap of faith. I'm really just asking God to fill me with Him and let me see and hear what He needs me to right now. Parts of me are scared to death and parts of me and so excited I can't explain it and other parts of me are just questioning and doubting and trying to find reasons and explanations. I've been through enough to know that God has a plan...and more often than not, I have no clue what He is doing. He's showing me bits and pieces, but I know I just have to jump and have faith that His arms are there waiting to catch me. To be honest, I know that He is there -- always has been -- and He will never ever ever let me down! It's just so easy to sit back and listen to this messed up world tell me that I have to take control of my life and I need this and that to be happy or satisfied and all kinds of other ideas that are full of emptiness and disappointment. As much as it is going to hurt, I really need God to break me right now, to humble me, and to just let His love pour into me. I have got to go down this road with only one thing in sight -- the powerful love of my Savior!
I've been reading through Philippians, and just can't get enough of how much love and passion that Paul has for both God and people. "Love God. Love People." is the way I like to describe my "religious" beliefs, so this letter just really hits home for me. So much of what is written here speaks to my heart and I can't think of anything better to do right now than use those words to cry out to my King.

Precious Lord ,
I am so amazed at your incredible love and mercy. Father, you are so much more than I could ever deserve and I am so thankful that you call me yours. Please take my life and use it to glorify only you. I ask that your will be done, and my selfish desires be stripped completely out of my hands. Let your love consume me, continue to grow my knowledge and understanding so I can clearly see what matters. Lord, guide my steps toward righteousness and purity. Help me to magnify you with every piece of my life. I know that if I am faithful to you, everything I walk through will bring honor to your name. Give me the strength and courage to be bold for you. Abba, I need you to humble me and give me the attitude of Christ Jesus. Let me rejoice in good times and in hard times so that the light you have place in my heart with shine brightly to the world. I will press on, knowing that nothing on this earth has any worth, the only real value comes from knowing you, father. Please rescue me from the longings of my flesh and wrap me in your arms of mercy and forgiveness. Lord, nothing is possible without you and I am eternally grateful for your saving grace and endless love. Thank you for sending your Son and saving my life. I love you, Lord. I pray all of these things in the name of your perfect Son.
Amen.

Bang, Bang...

2009-10-05T20:59:00.000-07:00

This is my new doggy I adopted from Indianapolis Animal Care & Control! I've only had her a few weeks! She was so sick and skinny...but has tons of love to give! She is awesome! She knew how to sit and shake, but she is a really smart...so, why not let her keep learning! :) She'd only been working on this for a couple days...so, I'd say she isn't doing too bad! :)

P.S. Rescue animals rock! DON'T SUPPORT PUPPY MILLS!

It's A Beautiful Day In The Hood...

2009-10-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

So, over the past few weeks I've received a couple flyers in my mailbox about some things going on in my neighborhood. There are three different "beautification" or clean-up days throughout the next couple weeks and then there is going to be a big block party! I was so excited to see this, because to me, it meant there are other people close by who actually care about this neighborhood and want to see positive changes made and relationships built. Awesome!
Today was day one of the clean-up. We scrubbed off a lot of graffiti. It was frustrating to see how little respect some people have for the city's property, their neighbor's property, or even their own property. I'm going to assume that since most of the graffiti was cuss words, names, and poorly drawn hands flippin' the bird that it's more a kid- with- nothing- to- do problem or lack-of-parenting-skills problem, rather than a gang issue. As everyone pitched in to scrub guardrails, fences, sidewalks, garage doors, and street signs, we also picked up trash and had someone spraying down poison ivy. It made my heart smile to see a group of seemingly random people each doing their part to help out. I met some really great people and can now say I know a couple more of my neighbors -- that is one thing I miss about my tiny little backwoods town, everyone knew everyone!
Anyways, I'm so glad I made it out this morning and can't wait to see what get accomplished next Saturday! I'm also anxious to learn more about everyone who has been working to plan this -- I'm not sure what the ultimate motivation was, but when people start living lives that are focused on helping others and making a positive difference, I think that opens lots more room for some good 'ol Jesus! Who knows what is going to come of all this, but I'm praying these next few weeks will be used for His glory -- in whatever way He sees fit!
P.S. Friends who don't want to come to my house because you think I live in the super scary hood...you just watch out, this hood is going to be looking awfully beautiful! :)

Take From Me...

2009-10-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

I love, so much, what this song says! It honestly breaks my heart when I listen to the words. I know I am so guilty of turning my back on God...and I'm talking more than once. It's true that living each day of my life for Christ is not something that is easy to do. I mess up, I struggle, I get mad, I have bad days...just like anyone else. But like it says, He takes me back...EVERY SINGLE TIME. That's really hard to wrap my head around. If someone I loved more than anything kept making a fool of me and taking me for granted...I'd have a really hard time still loving them. God doesn't. Screw up, mess up, break down, whatever...He's there! That's awesome! I just pray that he would continue to take away more of my life, and my wants, and my plans, and my messed up thinking that I am somehow in control and know what is best for me. I need to surrender it all to Him, everyday, always. So, Jesus...I'm giving it all up to you again -- and I thank you so much for taking it and giving me YOU!

Take My Life -- Third Day

"How Many Times Have I Turned Away
The Number Is The Same As The Sand On The Shore
But Every Time You've Taken Me Back
And Now I Pray You Do It Once More.

Please Take From Me My Life
When I Don't Have The Strength
To Give It Away To You Jesus

How Many Times Have I Turned Away
The Number Is The Same As The Stars In The Sky
But Every Time You've Taken Me Back
And Now I Pray You Do It Tonight.

Please Take From Me My Life
When I Don't Have The Strength
To Give It Away To You Jesus"