Distroying What Seeks To Distroy Me...

I love this.

This is from The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

In his story, he and some others were on a bus trip that took them to the outskirts of heaven. There, they are able to get a glimpse of true reality - about heaven and themselves. The people from the bus trip are "ghosts" and each "Ghost" has something he must give up.

I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then he turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.

"Off so soon?" said a voice.

The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.

"Yes, I'm off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it's no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard), "that he'd have to be quiet if he came - which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won't do here: I realize that. But he won't stop. I shall just have to go home

"Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit - an angel, as I now understood.

"Of course I would," said the Ghost.

"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.

"Oh - ah - look out! You're burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost retreating.

"Don't you want him killed?" said the Angel.

"You didn't say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with something so drastic as that."

"It's the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"

"Well, that's a further question. I'm quite open to consider it, but it's a new point, isn't it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it..." said the Ghost.

"May I kill it?" asked the Angel.

"Well, there's time to discuss that later" said the Ghost.

"There is no time. May I kill it?"

Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please - really - don't bother. Look! It's gone to sleep of its own accord. I'm sure it will be all right now. Thanks ever so much."

"May I kill it?"

"Honestly, I don't think there's the slightest necessity for that. I'm sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it." said the Ghost.

"The gradual process is of no use at all."

"Don't you think so? Well, I'll think over what you've said very carefully. I honestly will. In fact I'd let you kill it now, but as a matter of fact I'm not feeling frightfully well today. It would be silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day, perhaps."

"There is no other day. All days are present now."

"Get back! You're burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You'd kill me if you did."

"It is not so."

"Why, you're hurting me now."

"I never said it wouldn't hurt you. I said it wouldn't kill you"...

The Angel's hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was saying.

"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal word from you and he will! Then you'll be without me forever and ever. It's not natural. How could you live? You'd only be a sort of ghost, not a real man as you are now. He doesn't understand. He's only a cold, bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn't for us. Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren't they better than nothing? And I'll be so good. I admit I've sometimes gone too far in the past, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll give you nothing but really nice dreams - all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You might say, quite innocent..."

"Have I your permission?" asked the Angel to the Ghost.

"I know it will kill me."

"It won't. But supposing it did?" asked the Angel

"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."

"Then I may?"

"...Go on can't you! Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."

Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed on the turf.

What a great reminder. Satan is a LIAR and DECEIVER. And sometimes we have to make radical choices in order to follow Jesus. It isn't always easy and doesn't always 'feel good'. But, it will be worth it. It will be MORE than worth it.

If You Are Willing...

A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said. Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed. 

-Mark 1:40-42

Jesus may not physically be in front of me...and I may not have 'leprosy', per say, but...I've still got dirt. I still have frequent moments where I need to fall on my face and ask Jesus to make me clean. There is nothing I can do to fix my 'human condition'...nothing. There is only one way. One truth. One life. And that one touch is enough. His grace IS enough.

So, here I go. Kneeling in front of my savior. Begging to be healed. Lord, if you are willing...make me clean. Because you're the only one who can. 

He Hears My Voice...

Man, life gets hard sometimes. And life gets really dark sometimes. I start to wonder if I'm ever going to get a break. If there is ever a way out. I'm quick to believe the lies that Satan feeds me. I start thinking there is no use. It's too hard. God has had enough of my bull sh*t. I've been down this road. It's nothing new. I should have learned. I'M sick of trying to give myself second, third, fourth...hundred-and-fifty-seven-thousandth chance. Why would someone so perfect take me back again and again. I just always start to wonder. 

But, my God is so gracious and so merciful and his love abounds! I love when He brings me back to that place. That place where His love is so real. His mercy is so fresh. His grace is so amazing.

This Psalm is so perfect when I'm in these moments. I need to be reminded that God hears my voice. He BENDS DOWN TO LISTEN. Is that not a beautiful picture? 

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Please, Lord, save me!” How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth!

-Psalm 116:1-9

Do Not Mix...

New and old DO NOT mix. I guess it really is that simple.

“Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”

-Mark 2:21-22

I'm so thankful for this reminder...a reminder and maybe even a little bit of a warning.

Thank you for making me new, Jesus. Please stop me from trying to mix the new with the old. You are all that I need.

Missio Dei...

In three short months I'll be on my way to the rural Guatemalan village of Magdalena to serve a local art school with my church. I feel so very blessed that I've been given such an awesome opportunity to travel somewhere so different from everything I'm used to. I can't wait to see how God uses this trip...not only to share Christ's love, but to completely shake up my world!   

(c) C.S. Love Photography

Please, please pray for me, those I will be traveling with, and those we will be serving in Guatemala! 

Closer In The End...

God's really been doing some serious, serious work on my heart recently! That 'work' He's doing doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy either...it's actually pretty darn painful at times.

But there isn't an ounce of me questioning the fact that God has got a plan. I don't, however, have a clue what that plan even remotely looks like...nor is it of any importance for me to try solve that puzzle. Things seem to work much, much better though when I leave the God-sized work up to God.

I guess what that leaves me with, then, would be...baby steps. Obedient, baby steps. Maybe some bigger steps, too. But nonetheless, careful, obedient steps. And sometimes He'll tell me to jump. So, I will have to obediently take that leap.

Honestly, though...those simple, little baby steps can sometimes feel like I'm running across the top of an enormous skyscraper and falling, feet kicking and arms flailing, into the middle of a fifthly city's obnoxious unruliness and screeching cars and screaming horns.

No, it's not always pretty...and it can be downright scary at times. As scary as plummeting off the top of a skyscraper. But, let me be the first to tell you, I did a whole heck of a lot to put myself in that 'not-so-pretty' spot. So, I've got no one else to blame. 

God IS going to rescue me from it, though. It's going to be in HIS time. According to HIS plan. Dependent on what will bring HIM the most glory. 

I'd say after all I've done in opposition to Him and all He's done in favor of me...it's more than fair. It's actually an amazing deal on my side of things. One I certainly don't deserve...one I could never, ever come close to earning.

So, for now, I need to be still. I need to listen. Listen for God telling me to take that step...to make that move. It won't be easy. It's going to hurt. There might be tears. But He's going to carry me through it. It's all going to bring me closer to Him. And regardless of the path it takes to get me there, it's the only place I ever want to be.      

Thank You For The Cross...

Man...Talk about something for which to be grateful!

Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.

- Colossians 2:13-14 (NLT) 

Are these words not simply beautiful! He forgave ALL my sins! He CANCELED the record of charges against me! EVERYTHING was nailed to the cross! 

I'm not sure how I so often manage to let this perfect promise slip my mind! But those moments when I really 'get' it...when it all 'clicks'...those moments are the overwhelming, to say the least! God's love for me and for EVERYONE is unconditional! And nothing can ever change that, ever!

As much screwing up as I've done in the past and as much screwing up as I'll do in the future...Christ's blood has already covered it! That's is some seriously powerful LOVE!

Thank you for the CROSS!  

Forgive...

I can't count the number of times I've read this over the last couple weeks.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

- Colossians 3:12-15 (NLT)

"Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others." There it is! What else is there to say? It's a requirement. You MUST forgive others. The end. There are no conditions to said forgiveness or circumstances in which it's an option. Forgive.

"Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you." I read that and start throwing out excuses. Man, that's not easy. And right now, I just don't want to. I'm mad. I'm still hurt. Look how I was wronged. Oh, but wait a minute...I start to hear God screaming, "IT ISN'T ABOUT YOU!"  

"Remember, the Lord forgave you..." That's right, He sure did. And look what I've done to hurt Him and wrong Him and upset Him. I promise you it was more than once...and I promise you it was much bigger than any wrong that will ever be done to me, any hurt that I will ever feel, or any anger that's stirred inside my being.

That's why God is God and I am not! His response to everything I've done is mercy and kindness and gentleness and patience and LOVE. He doesn't look my junk. He's FORGIVEN me. To Him, I appear perfect and without fault. How do you even begin to wrap your head around that one.

And that's the kind of love and forgiveness I am ordered to extend to someone who has "offended" me?

Well God, fill me with that love. Make me able to forgive. Let me be merciful. Humble my prideful heart and stubborn mind. Give me words and thoughts and actions that speak kindness and gentleness and nothing more.

Punishment...

“Hey, Jena...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“What!”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“You mean...because you’re sick?”
“Yeah. My medicine makes me tired and I can’t stay awake at night to finish reading my Bible.”

Our conversation this morning broke my heart. I wish I would have had something more profound to share with her. But I didn’t. All I could come up with was something generic about God not being “like that”.

But, why?

He’s PERFECT. He gave SO much. More than anyone could EVER comprehend. And we keep living like it’s no big deal. I keep living like it’s no big deal. God didn’t let his SON...his ONLY son, be ruthlessly tortured and brutally murdered so that I could walk around and constantly spit in his face by living a life full of my prideful, selfish sinfulness.

All I know is that if God gave me the punishment I actually deserved, it would have to be something so incredibly horrible; I can’t even begin to imagine. Something comparable to what Jesus endured. But, God will NEVER ever bestow that punishment upon me...the punishment I so much deserve. His PERFECT son took MY place on that cross. I should have been hung on that cross. And that is simply the truth.

So, back to my God’s not “like that” answer. He isn’t. He loves me and He loves you and He loves EVERY person He created. Sometimes I have to remind myself just how much God really does love me. He sent his son to this earth to DIE so that I could live. So that I could be free from the bondage of sin in my life. So that I could spend eternity with Him. These words are so beautiful to me: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...” (Romans 8:1)

When I gave my life up for the life God had in store for me, I became a new person. The old “me” died, just like Christ died on the cross. (2 Corinthians 5:17) And just as he rose from the dead, I rose with Him. (Romans 6) That sin, that evil nature that resonated inside me, no longer has any control. My sin, those moments I look back on and feel as though I’ve spit right in God’s face, are no longer counted against me.

Can you even wrap you head around that? I can’t. The creator or the universe, the one who placed the stars in the sky and knows the number of grains of sand on every beach and made my heart beat...that “guy”...He is on MY side. I have a power in my corner, fighting for me, this power is greater than any broken heart or addiction or deep regret. He is bigger. And He chooses to lift every last bit of my junk off my shoulders. God wipes the slate clean. It’s gone. It’s ALL gone. Now, that is how He is going to see me for the rest of eternity, as flawless as the one who took my place, because that is how much He loves me. And that’s how much He loves each and every person on this earth.

So, no, I don’t have the answer to why my friend is sick. But, I sure don’t think its punishment.

That Stuff Isn't Really For Me...

As I walked under the Pennsylvania Street bridge tonight I started quickly scanning either side, looking for friends among the heaps of clothes and blankets and piles of empty to-go boxes and scattered pieces of trash. Sometimes it's hard to tell if what I'm seeing is a person crouched over under a mountain of blankets or just a conglomeration of mere "stuff".

The first person I spotted was, Bob. I've known Bob for a couple months now...and as far as I can tell, the farthest he's moved these past couple months has been from the one side of the bridge to the other. He sits in his spot all day, everyday...reading. I still remember our first conversation. He had recently lost his home and had been walking back and forth from Greenwood to Indianapolis every day. That night was going to be the first night he would actually sleep on the streets, before he had been staying in "his" house...until the bank finally locked it up. He wasn't interested in going into a shelter, as much as I insisted he should give it a try, he just wasn't going to go. We talked for a while about his life and family and him being a veteran...then we started talk about what I was doing on the streets. I always hear, "What church are you with?" I started explaining who I was and what I do which naturally led me down a perfect avenue to ask him about his faith.

Bob told me he grew up in church, but when he was 13 he walked away from it all. He started to shut the conversation down, so I switched topics and continued talking with him for a few more minutes. When I saw everyone hopping back in the cars, I figured it was time to wrap things up. I asked Bob if I could pray with him...which, if you know me, would totally push me out of my "comfort zone". I just really felt like I needed to ask him though. He ended up telling me no. Told me he thought "Someone else could use it more..." and that "All stuff wasn't really for him..."

Tonight Bob was out of books. I took him four books a couple weeks ago and he's read them three times already. I keep promising him some Frank Peretti books, because he loves the Sci-Fi/Thriller type stuff...just haven't been able to snag any of those yet. Jokingly, I told him I had a Bible in my bag that he was welcome to. There we go, open door. He starts telling me about his Catholic cousin and gay evangelical brother and how the red letters in the Bible really irk him. Here's the problem, according to Bob...How could it even be possible for someone to quote everything Jesus said word-for-word. I'm not sure where he came up with some of the timelines and statistics about literacy back in Jesus' day, but he was sure that it was impossible for those to be Jesus' exact words. The only explanation he would somewhat agree with me on was the fact that the overall ideas in Jesus' teachings are way more important than whether or not his words were written down verbatim. And I'll take that...I will take his half-satisfied, almost-agreement.

Wait now, here is the kicker. The man who told me two months ago that all this stuff really wasn't for him, tells me that us doing what we do and coming out every week has made him think that "...maybe we're right..." And you know, that may not seem like anything huge, but it sure brought a smile to my heart.

My prayer for now is that Bob would continue to ask questions and seek God...and maybe even let us pray with him soon.

P.S. If anyone has any good books I could pass along to Bob, that would be awesome! And if you'd like to come with me to deliver them and meet my friend, that would be even better! :)

It's Just A God Thing...

I am simply...BLOWN AWAY!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you KNOW God is completely behind EVERYTHING that is happening? A moment when you realize that there is NO WAY that a specific chain of events could just be "coincidence". The last few days smacked me square in the face with thoughts like those.

Yesterday I was running and rushing around trying to work on that never ending to-do list. There wasn't too much going my way. My car isn't running, on top of that a tire is flat, I couldn't get the doors to the van unlocked because it was so cold, I got to the store and realized I left my debit card at home, when I pulled out my checkbook to pay my ink pen exploded ALL over my hands, and by that time I was supposed to be home 5 minutes ago to meet my best friend. Laura and I went to watch a move and got out later than expected. It was time to meet up for outreach and I still needed to run to the store. My phone starts ringing and I was sure it was going to be someone asking where I was, but it was Kim letting me know she was running late. Thank goodness, me too. I hurried home and threw my warm clothes on and the phone rings again. This time Kim was calling to let me know that the guys weren't coming. That left just us girls...and "outreach rules" say girls can't go out alone. Well, if you know Kim or me you could guess that we were going anyways. :)

We made it to the first camp and ALL the street lights were out, it was DARK! Really? Someone sure was trying hard to keep us from the streets that night...but, I hopped out and ran over to a few tents and hollered for some of our friends, it always makes us a little more comfortable to have a couple guys around that we trust. Mike, Eric, and Scott jumped right up with us. We hit a few more camps after that and decided we were going to head downtown to see if you could find anyone wanting to go in for the night -- it was bitter cold.

There didn't seem to be anyone out. We drove around the circle and spotted a couple guys who looked like they might want a cup of hot soup. I jumped out to go talk with them and as we walked back to the truck Kim came running around the corner telling me that we were taking this girl to the hospital now, so hurry . I had no idea she had even gotten out of the truck.

Mary was her name and Kim saw her struggling to carry an overstuffed duffle bag and a couple smaller plastic bags. She was in some serious pain. Come to find out the poor girl hadn't been to the bathroom in 8 DAYS! Ouch! Oh, and it happened to be her birthday as well...lovely way to spend a birthday, right? We got her to Wishard as fast as we could and sat with her until she was admitted. The doctors practically kicked us out of the room, so we headed back to the dat House to unload the truck. As far as we knew, that was that. Maybe we'd see her again one day, but maybe not. What we were certain of though, was that God put us exactly where He needed us that night. We hardly ever go to the circle anymore, because no one is allowed to feed there (and we won't even get started on that)...but God obviously pushed us in that direction for a very specific reason.

Here's where it gets good...

This morning I got up extra early and visited the 8:30 service at a church in my neighborhood. Well, Indy Metro, the church I attend doesn't start until 10:30, so I had time to kill. I stopped at MoJoe's and got a yummy latte and then started to head toward the bridges to see if I could talk any of the guys into coming to church. Here I am, driving down the street and all of the sudden I see that HUGE black and purple duffle bag...it was MARY! I hurried around the block so I could pull up beside her and asked if I could take her anywhere. She just wanted to get into a shelter. I told her she could come to church with me and then we would find her a place to stay. After church we ended up going out to lunch with some friends…and here is where it gets good again...

We asked Mary what kind of food sounded good and she said Italian, so we decided on Buca Di Beppo. Well, I was driving, so I dropped everyone off at the door and went to look for a parking spot. As I'm driving I spot a couple guys who looked familiar. I had to do a double take, but it was Eric and Josh, a couple guys from under the bridge. I honked and waved. Eric ran over and I asked him if I could give him a ride. So, I dropped the guys off at the library and went back around the block and continued looking for a parking spot. Okay, so there is no way this ISN’T a God thing. I saw the guys because they were walking up the street that Buca is on...We went to Buca because Mary wanted Italian...The only reason Mary was with us was because she was walking near the coffee shop where I stopped to get Chai...and the only reason I stopped to get Chai was because I was early for church since I miraculously woke up early enough (and I’m not a morning person) to make it to an 8:30 service. I mean, I could keep going...

Anyways, it was a great lunch. And back to my promise of getting her a place to sleep...the only shelter I could get her into didn’t do check-in until 4:00. I took her back to the office and got her a coat and some warm clothes and gave her the Handbook of Help, which lists all kinds of service providers (A good friend of mine called it the "Homeless Tour Guide", haha!). I walked her into the shelter and made plans to come get her in the morning to take her back to the hospital for her surgery.

This little snippet of the last couple days doesn’t even begin to explain the ways God is at work all around me. I’m just so glad that He is letting me be a part of it…that He has a purpose for me and can use me in small ways.

Please be praying for Mary if you would. I’m so thankful God brought her into my life. She is a sweet woman and has quite a story to tell. God bless you, Mary!

Music To My Ears, Literally...

I just love seeing answered prayers.

I wrote a little about Micky a while back and how he REALLY wanted to have one "last chance" to play the piano. He's been in pretty poor heath, but you could never tell that by his spirits. He will tell you that he knows his time is coming, but he feels as though its a blessing. And I can totally understand that when he says that he is excited to go home and be with his Dad...with his HEAVENLY FATHER! Really though, what could be better? Nothing! But, I'm not going to lie...this man has had me in tears more than once! He is just such a beautiful soul. It's heartbreaking to see him under that bridge, pretty much waiting to die.

This video is from a couple weeks ago. The Walls family was kind enough to open up their home and let Micky come down and play their piano. He played tons of beautiful Christmas songs and we all sang along and drank hot chocolate. Seriously, something straight out of a move. It was indescribable. I'll tell you I'm not a big fan of Christmas music, but I'm willing to bet I won't forget that day or those songs he played...and that Christmas music I'm not so fond of may just carry some special memories from here on out. I really wish I could explain that afternoon to you...it was simply of God! Praise Him for that!

Keep praying for Micky if you would. For his comfort and safety this winter, and also for a continued feeling of peace that he so frequently expresses. Or, you could just come out and meet him yourself and see just what I'm talking about! Seriously! :)

God's Listening...

I love seeing and hearing how the Lord is working in peoples lives...God never ceases to amaze me! There is such encouragement in even the seemingly "small" things.

Today, a couple of us from TDWM met with on of the teachers from IndyMet to help get our newest intern all set up and ready to go. Aqilla has actually been volunteering with us for the last few months, so it was exciting to hear that she wanted to intern with TDWM. She will be working with us on Wednesdays, which happens to be one of the days that we have our Bible study and lunch. I could sense some excitement from her when she realized that as part of her internship she was going to get to study the Word...personally, I think I had that same feeling of excitement when I realized that one of the really great things about working with TDWM full-time meant that, twice a week, it was my "job" to study the Bible. And, although seeing her enthusiasm was a real blessing, there is more...

On Thursday nights we have our youth program for students in grades 7-12, called The Wave, which Aqilla is apart of, along with her older sister and one of our other interns. We talked tonight about how God DOES use young people and discussed the stories of people like Ruth and David. While explaining how important it is to listen to God in order to know where He needs us to be and what He needs us to do, it was mentioned that it is absolutely crucial to spend time reading God's word. It is amazing how God can speak to each and every one of us through that book, that we may have read a million times over OR never even opened. Seriously, just flip through the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John) and read about Jesus' life here on earth, I'm positive God will move! But, back to what has me smiling...we announced that we were going to start having a girl's Bible study and a guy's Bible study every week in order to help them break into reading and studying the Bible on a more regular basis.

As we were packing up and heading out the door, Aqilla told us how happy she was, because she had been praying for a while that she would be able to get involved in a Bible study...and now she has TWO chances each week! It's encouraging to see these high school students so eager to learn more about our Savior...almost every kid at the Wave tonight signed up to attend the Bible studies! Praise Jesus on that one, for sure!

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

Lay 'Em Down...

I just love the fact that there isn't anything we can't lay before God. He'll take it all. We've just got to give it to Him. And I'll admit that sometimes it's not all that easy to let go -- even when it's something that we know is not good. I know in my life, there have been many times where God has simply broughten me to the point where I just become sick and tired of my troubles and problems and issues; and the only place left to go is to the Cross and leave it all there. It's just so amazing that we can take it all to Him, at any point in any day...the big stuff and the seemingly small stuff...and He loves us the same!
Oh, yeah...I just can't get enough of this song! So I thought I'd share it!

Lay 'Em Down -- NeedToBreathe

Come Down To The River Come And Let Yourself In
Make Good On A Promise To Never Hurt Again
If You're Lost And Lonely
You're Broken Down
Bring All Of Your Troubles
Come Lay 'Em Down

All You Sinners And The Weak At Heart
All You Helpless On The Boulevards
Wherever You Are Now
Whatever Evil You've Found
Bring All Of Your Troubles
And Come Lay 'Em Down

We're All Tied To The Same Old Failing
Finding Shelter In Things We Know
We're All Dirty Like Corrupted Small Towns
We'll Bring Our Troubles
We'll Bring Our Troubles
Lay 'Em Down

All You Rich Men And The High Above
All Of Those With And Without Love
All You Burdened Broken Down
Bring All Of Your Troubles
Come Lay 'Em Down
Come Lay 'Em Down

Come All You Broken,
Come Lay 'Em Down
Come All You Helpless,
Come Lay 'Em Down
Bring All Your Burdens,
Come Lay 'Em Down
And Just Lay 'Em Down,
Come Lay 'Em Down
Come Lay 'Em Down

Cry Out...

I'm sort of getting myself ready for a "challenging" next few days, maybe even week. I'm preparing myself and my heart for a huge leap of faith. I'm really just asking God to fill me with Him and let me see and hear what He needs me to right now. Parts of me are scared to death and parts of me and so excited I can't explain it and other parts of me are just questioning and doubting and trying to find reasons and explanations. I've been through enough to know that God has a plan...and more often than not, I have no clue what He is doing. He's showing me bits and pieces, but I know I just have to jump and have faith that His arms are there waiting to catch me. To be honest, I know that He is there -- always has been -- and He will never ever ever let me down! It's just so easy to sit back and listen to this messed up world tell me that I have to take control of my life and I need this and that to be happy or satisfied and all kinds of other ideas that are full of emptiness and disappointment. As much as it is going to hurt, I really need God to break me right now, to humble me, and to just let His love pour into me. I have got to go down this road with only one thing in sight -- the powerful love of my Savior!
I've been reading through Philippians, and just can't get enough of how much love and passion that Paul has for both God and people. "Love God. Love People." is the way I like to describe my "religious" beliefs, so this letter just really hits home for me. So much of what is written here speaks to my heart and I can't think of anything better to do right now than use those words to cry out to my King.

Precious Lord ,
I am so amazed at your incredible love and mercy. Father, you are so much more than I could ever deserve and I am so thankful that you call me yours. Please take my life and use it to glorify only you. I ask that your will be done, and my selfish desires be stripped completely out of my hands. Let your love consume me, continue to grow my knowledge and understanding so I can clearly see what matters. Lord, guide my steps toward righteousness and purity. Help me to magnify you with every piece of my life. I know that if I am faithful to you, everything I walk through will bring honor to your name. Give me the strength and courage to be bold for you. Abba, I need you to humble me and give me the attitude of Christ Jesus. Let me rejoice in good times and in hard times so that the light you have place in my heart with shine brightly to the world. I will press on, knowing that nothing on this earth has any worth, the only real value comes from knowing you, father. Please rescue me from the longings of my flesh and wrap me in your arms of mercy and forgiveness. Lord, nothing is possible without you and I am eternally grateful for your saving grace and endless love. Thank you for sending your Son and saving my life. I love you, Lord. I pray all of these things in the name of your perfect Son.
Amen.

Why Not Here...Why Not Now...

I was talking to a really great friend of mine tonight at outreach and she kind of helped me connect a few ideas that I had been struggling with. It's so easy to see all these needs, but isn't always easy to realized that I can't solve every problem or situation I encounter. If you look back through my posts you will see one about a friend of mine named Kevin. To make a long story short, he was beat up, hospitalized, and in pretty crappy shape. Kevin lives under a bridge and was not going to heal up very well if he ended up right were all this began. After tons of prayers from tons of friends and a whole lot of searching, God opened doors and Kevin was able to stay at a hotel for two whole weeks! After the two weeks was up, he really had no where to go. Since I met Kevin, months and months ago, I've always had this strong inclination to want to give him an extra hand up. Anyways, I told him he could sleep on my couch for a week (Without too many people knowing...Yes, a homeless guy sleeping on my couch -- wait until my Momma finds out! Haha!). The week was up today and I had to take him back to the bridge. It brakes my heart to see all those people living under there, espicallily when I've come to call so many of them friends...but I have to remember there is only so much you can do to help a person, sometimes you have to let them help themselves for a change. And this is where the conversation with Kim comes in. After visiting the same people in the same places around the city week after week and seeing nothing change, it can get really frustrating. We just have to do what Jesus calls us to do...and that is LOVE PEOPLE, period. So we will do that with every bit of our hearts and souls. I trust that if all I am capable of ever doing is handing out some food, clothes, and making friends with the people living on the streets that God will use that for His glory. People will come to know Him. It's a God thing and it's a heart thing. I pray that I would just remember to use every opportuinty, no matter how small it seems, to be the Lord's hand and feet.
Oh, and this song speaks to my heart EVERY single time I hear it. I remember the first day it was played on the radio -- all day on K-Love they had been talking about the new TobyMac song, and I couldn't wait! I love TobyMac! Anyways...Here it is. It just reminds me to not waste any opportuinity. Let me always serve my God right here and right now!

Many Are Called...

So, God is crazy...and I mean that in a good way, seriously. He just does crazy things to get our attention sometimes -- but there is nothing wrong with that, especially for people like me who tend to not listen the first or second or third time he tells us something. At outreach tonight, I got to have an interesting conversation with a woman named Smicky, who may or may not have been pretty intoxicated, but nontheless. I haven't talked to her much before, but I've seen her quite a few times at one of the bridges we visit. She shared with me a lot of things about her life, some pretty scary things, like the fact that one more than one occasion she has tried to kill herself and also that she has lost two children, not to mention the fact that she lives under a bridge and from what I've been told sells her body. Smicky is only 32 and has been through a whole lot of junk in her life.Anyways, she told me how God has clearly spoken to her more than once. She was determined to share this with me and felt like she needed to warn me for some reason. Again, a lot of this is probably alcohol talking, but I'm used to listening in similar situations, so what the heck. She tossed some scripture around, but the one that stuck with me was this:

“For many are called, but few are chosen.”

-Matthew 22:14

This is so true. And I've heard this verse, but rarely take the time to think about how this was meant. This verse comes from the Parable about the Great Feast. Which in the NLT version reads:

Jesus also told them other parables. He said, “The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a king who prepared a great wedding feast for his son. When the banquet was ready, he sent his servants to notify those who were invited. But they all refused to come!
“So he sent other servants to tell them, ‘The feast has been prepared. The bulls and fattened cattle have been killed, and everything is ready. Come to the banquet!’ But the guests he had invited ignored them and went their own way, one to his farm, another to his business. Others seized his messengers and insulted them and killed them.
“The king was furious, and he sent out his army to destroy the murderers and burn their town. And he said to his servants, ‘The wedding feast is ready, and the guests I invited aren’t worthy of the honor. Now go out to the street corners and invite everyone you see.’ So the servants brought in everyone they could find, good and bad alike, and the banquet hall was filled with guests.
“But when the king came in to meet the guests, he noticed a man who wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for a wedding. ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?’ But the man had no reply. Then the king said to his aides, ‘Bind his hands and feet and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
“For many are called, but few are chosen.”

-Matthew 22:1-14

I guess my point is, this is something I see day in and day out. People are invited, by God, to be part of something wonderful, but they are too wrapped up in their lives and things and friends and stuff to bother with the Creator of the universe. I'll admit I have days and moments where I get a little too focused on me and my plans, but thankfully God reminds me what is waiting for me at the end of the life He has chosen for me. For some people things will click, and they will realize what is really important, but for others they hear what is being said to them, but never listen. God has invited EVERY person to this gathering, He's calling out to the ends of the earth. So if you hear him calling you...LISTEN! Show up to that great feast wearing what He has offered you -- SALVATION!

Please pray that I would remember to LISTEN to God as he speaks to me, that my own plans and desires would be surrendered to what His will is for my life, and that no matter what, I would TRUST God with everything I am. And I'll pray the same for you, friends! :)

Take It...

God's doing some pretty cool things right now, things that are forcing me to make big decisions and ask hard questions. I'm so grateful for the people He's put in my life to help me push through times like these. The Lord is letting light shine on some dark areas of my life and for the first time in a long time I'm starting to believe again that it IS possible for me to be set free from what has trapped me for so long. I'm also seeing how attached I've become to MY plans and dreams and goals and wants for my life -- and how badly I've got to let go. It's funny how easy it is to talk the talk...but when it really comes down to walking the walk...it's a different story. I know it's going to take some breaking, some losing, probably even some tears, but God's got a plan!

Here I Go...

Well, I’m going to guess that most of you reading this already know me and bits and pieces of my life and my story…but, just in case you don’t, or you are interested in knowing a little more…

I’m Jena! The first and probably most important thing I’d like to share with you is how my life has been dramatically changed over the last few years…

In the past, I defined my life and even my worth by things like friends, clubs/organizations, parties, sports, boys, grades, looks, or any other thing that I thought would somehow gratify me. My mind was wrapped around questions and a constant search for fulfillment. Near the end of my senior year of high school I was at an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meeting and a friend asked to play a song before everyone left. The song was “Awakening” by Seven Places – which was more of someone speaking than someone singing, but nonetheless, it spoke right to my heart. I quickly dismissed a lot of the things I mulled over after that by assuring myself that I was okay…I mean, I grew up going to church and Sunday school, I knew some Bible verses, I prayed every once in a while, and it’s not like I ever really did anything THAT bad.

It took some time for me to finally come to grips with the fact that being “good” wasn’t the point, and I actually wasn’t as “good” as I had imagined anyway. A few months into my first year of college a couple girls knocked on my door and asked me if I would be interested in checking out a discussion group. I still didn’t know too many people, so I figured at the least I could meet a few new girls that lived in the dorm. I honestly couldn’t tell you anything we talked about; the only things I remember from that night are hearing the story of how God had changed one girl’s life, seeing something called the bridge diagram, and A LOT of tears! The funny thing is I had seen that illustration and heard similar messages a million times before, but this time, it all “clicked”. (If you’ve never seen or heard of the bridge diagram, it pretty much shows the distance between man and God because of our disobedience, but explains that Jesus died on the cross to “bridge” that gap). God quickly opened my eyes to show me how far away from Him I had strayed and how all my seemly good actions had missed the mark, and my life would continue in the same direction without Him.

That night I heard something that was an entirely new concept to me…a “relationship” with Jesus Christ. God had always just been this big, distant, mysterious…thing…not really available for any sort of relationship?
Over Christmas break I was invited to attend a retreat in Nashville, TN. The week was full of new friends, sightseeing, very little sleep, and some very encouraging stories about college, about God, and about life in general. After everything I had heard, seen, and especially felt over the last few months, I finally knew what I needed; and the last night of the retreat (which happened to be New Years Eve), I decided to surrender my life to Jesus Christ. I don’t remember what I said, but I’m sure it wasn’t an elaborate prayer, and it didn’t need to be – God already knew everything I wanted and needed to say.

My heart and desires were radically changed, almost instantly. I could see how my attitude and behaviors were mean and hurtful, the pleasure I used to get from walking all over other people to build myself up was gone and I was heartbroken and ashamed of what had become second nature to me. But thankfully I didn’t have to worry about the past anymore, everything was gone…my slate was wiped completely clean.

Now, every day I do my best to live my life for the One who gave His life for me. It’s been about three and a half years since my Savior so graciously rescued me and I’m know I’m not the first to admit it’s not always easy, and I’m not even close to being perfect, so of course there are struggles. But, every time I’ve fallen down or wandered away, God has been right there, reaching out to pick me up and put me right back where I belong – beside Him.

So there's an introduction or maybe update for some of you :)…Oh, and the entries prior to this one are all old randoms from MySpace, just FYI...

It's Not Mine...

This was just something I REALLY needed to hear today...So, thought I'd share it! It's one of those ideas that I know all to well...just don't seem to whole-heartedly trust or belive...if that makes any sense at all! I mean why shouldn't I give every bit of my life every single day to God -- I mean really, it's not mine anyways! He paid the price, it's ALL for Him!

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

-Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)