Distroying What Seeks To Distroy Me...

I love this.

This is from The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

In his story, he and some others were on a bus trip that took them to the outskirts of heaven. There, they are able to get a glimpse of true reality - about heaven and themselves. The people from the bus trip are "ghosts" and each "Ghost" has something he must give up.

I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then he turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.

"Off so soon?" said a voice.

The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.

"Yes, I'm off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it's no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard), "that he'd have to be quiet if he came - which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won't do here: I realize that. But he won't stop. I shall just have to go home

"Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit - an angel, as I now understood.

"Of course I would," said the Ghost.

"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.

"Oh - ah - look out! You're burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost retreating.

"Don't you want him killed?" said the Angel.

"You didn't say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with something so drastic as that."

"It's the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"

"Well, that's a further question. I'm quite open to consider it, but it's a new point, isn't it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it..." said the Ghost.

"May I kill it?" asked the Angel.

"Well, there's time to discuss that later" said the Ghost.

"There is no time. May I kill it?"

Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please - really - don't bother. Look! It's gone to sleep of its own accord. I'm sure it will be all right now. Thanks ever so much."

"May I kill it?"

"Honestly, I don't think there's the slightest necessity for that. I'm sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it." said the Ghost.

"The gradual process is of no use at all."

"Don't you think so? Well, I'll think over what you've said very carefully. I honestly will. In fact I'd let you kill it now, but as a matter of fact I'm not feeling frightfully well today. It would be silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day, perhaps."

"There is no other day. All days are present now."

"Get back! You're burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You'd kill me if you did."

"It is not so."

"Why, you're hurting me now."

"I never said it wouldn't hurt you. I said it wouldn't kill you"...

The Angel's hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was saying.

"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal word from you and he will! Then you'll be without me forever and ever. It's not natural. How could you live? You'd only be a sort of ghost, not a real man as you are now. He doesn't understand. He's only a cold, bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn't for us. Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren't they better than nothing? And I'll be so good. I admit I've sometimes gone too far in the past, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll give you nothing but really nice dreams - all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You might say, quite innocent..."

"Have I your permission?" asked the Angel to the Ghost.

"I know it will kill me."

"It won't. But supposing it did?" asked the Angel

"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."

"Then I may?"

"...Go on can't you! Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."

Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed on the turf.

What a great reminder. Satan is a LIAR and DECEIVER. And sometimes we have to make radical choices in order to follow Jesus. It isn't always easy and doesn't always 'feel good'. But, it will be worth it. It will be MORE than worth it.

I'm The Price I Pay...

Chasen - Castaway

I Feel Destruction Running Hard Through My Veins
But I See Redemption Rushing My Way
My Victories Are Bittersweet, And Now I Can Tell
The Only Place My Plans Have Led Me Is Right Where I Fell

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance

I Had A Dream Of A Life Of My Own
And I Had A Place That I Thought Was My Home
But Now I See I Just Can't Have It Any Other Way
It's All Or Nothing, Do Or Die And I'm The Price I Pay Because

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance
A Second Chance

A Second Chance I Won't Forget
A Second Life I Won't Regret
A Second Wind To Brave This Night
A Second More To Make It Right

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance

A Gift Of A Second Chance
I'm A Castaway, With A Gift Of A Second Chance

If You Are Willing...

A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed. “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean,” he said. Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him. “I am willing,” he said. “Be healed!” instantly the leprosy disappeared, and the man was healed. 

-Mark 1:40-42

Jesus may not physically be in front of me...and I may not have 'leprosy', per say, but...I've still got dirt. I still have frequent moments where I need to fall on my face and ask Jesus to make me clean. There is nothing I can do to fix my 'human condition'...nothing. There is only one way. One truth. One life. And that one touch is enough. His grace IS enough.

So, here I go. Kneeling in front of my savior. Begging to be healed. Lord, if you are willing...make me clean. Because you're the only one who can. 

"We Don’t Rest In Peace...We Just Disappear...”

"We Don’t Rest In Peace...We Just Disappear...”, originally uploaded by jlosbon.

**These carts belong to Ron. He sleeps under this bridge. He earns his 'living' collecting cans and other pieces of trash that can be sold for a little bit of change. I don't know how long Ron has been on the streets, but it is the only way he knows. I've known him for over a year and have never once seen him stand up. He is always lying down, on the concrete, with his headphones in his ears. More often than not all you can hear is static coming from his radio. I don't think he can even grasp his situation. But, then again, it's his life. And who am I to judge. I rarely hear the man complain and can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him upset. Each time we leave Ron, he prays for us. His words are beautiful. Maybe he knows more than we give him credit for. God may be all he has, but isn't God really all we need? Ron, you are truly a beautiful soul and you are so very loved.**

Do Not Mix...

New and old DO NOT mix. I guess it really is that simple.

“Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”

-Mark 2:21-22

I'm so thankful for this reminder...a reminder and maybe even a little bit of a warning.

Thank you for making me new, Jesus. Please stop me from trying to mix the new with the old. You are all that I need.

Punishment...

“Hey, Jena...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“What!”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“You mean...because you’re sick?”
“Yeah. My medicine makes me tired and I can’t stay awake at night to finish reading my Bible.”

Our conversation this morning broke my heart. I wish I would have had something more profound to share with her. But I didn’t. All I could come up with was something generic about God not being “like that”.

But, why?

He’s PERFECT. He gave SO much. More than anyone could EVER comprehend. And we keep living like it’s no big deal. I keep living like it’s no big deal. God didn’t let his SON...his ONLY son, be ruthlessly tortured and brutally murdered so that I could walk around and constantly spit in his face by living a life full of my prideful, selfish sinfulness.

All I know is that if God gave me the punishment I actually deserved, it would have to be something so incredibly horrible; I can’t even begin to imagine. Something comparable to what Jesus endured. But, God will NEVER ever bestow that punishment upon me...the punishment I so much deserve. His PERFECT son took MY place on that cross. I should have been hung on that cross. And that is simply the truth.

So, back to my God’s not “like that” answer. He isn’t. He loves me and He loves you and He loves EVERY person He created. Sometimes I have to remind myself just how much God really does love me. He sent his son to this earth to DIE so that I could live. So that I could be free from the bondage of sin in my life. So that I could spend eternity with Him. These words are so beautiful to me: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...” (Romans 8:1)

When I gave my life up for the life God had in store for me, I became a new person. The old “me” died, just like Christ died on the cross. (2 Corinthians 5:17) And just as he rose from the dead, I rose with Him. (Romans 6) That sin, that evil nature that resonated inside me, no longer has any control. My sin, those moments I look back on and feel as though I’ve spit right in God’s face, are no longer counted against me.

Can you even wrap you head around that? I can’t. The creator or the universe, the one who placed the stars in the sky and knows the number of grains of sand on every beach and made my heart beat...that “guy”...He is on MY side. I have a power in my corner, fighting for me, this power is greater than any broken heart or addiction or deep regret. He is bigger. And He chooses to lift every last bit of my junk off my shoulders. God wipes the slate clean. It’s gone. It’s ALL gone. Now, that is how He is going to see me for the rest of eternity, as flawless as the one who took my place, because that is how much He loves me. And that’s how much He loves each and every person on this earth.

So, no, I don’t have the answer to why my friend is sick. But, I sure don’t think its punishment.

Thank You, Jesus...

Thank you. There isn't much more to say, really.

If God Created Everything...

I think I’ve mentioned the partnership between TDWM and The Watkins Family Center in Riverside, anyways…on Tuesdays and Thursdays we run a youth program for kids in the neighborhood. It gives them a chance for them to hang out, play games, grab a bite to eat, and hear a little bit about Jesus. These kids give us a run for our money a lot of times, but I know God is going to use these nights to work in the lives of these kids and I can’t wait to see what He’s up to!

Tonight we had the high school kids and we talked about evil and whether or not it was created by God. We split the kids into a couple groups and each group sent a spokesperson up to voice their opinion on the topic. We had some great arguments from both groups. We wrapped up with a short story I’d like to share with you.

A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"

A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"

"God created everything?" The professor asked.

"Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."

The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition.. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question,
Professor?" "Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"

The other students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat." The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present." Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein

So, whatever your opinion on God or evil or anything else, this sure makes you think. When you feel like all you see around you is evil, try inviting God into that darkness – His power will surprise you! There isn’t anything He can’t handle, no situation He can’t turn around…the evil WE’VE created is no match for the God I serve!

Take From Me...

I love, so much, what this song says! It honestly breaks my heart when I listen to the words. I know I am so guilty of turning my back on God...and I'm talking more than once. It's true that living each day of my life for Christ is not something that is easy to do. I mess up, I struggle, I get mad, I have bad days...just like anyone else. But like it says, He takes me back...EVERY SINGLE TIME. That's really hard to wrap my head around. If someone I loved more than anything kept making a fool of me and taking me for granted...I'd have a really hard time still loving them. God doesn't. Screw up, mess up, break down, whatever...He's there! That's awesome! I just pray that he would continue to take away more of my life, and my wants, and my plans, and my messed up thinking that I am somehow in control and know what is best for me. I need to surrender it all to Him, everyday, always. So, Jesus...I'm giving it all up to you again -- and I thank you so much for taking it and giving me YOU!

Take My Life -- Third Day

"How Many Times Have I Turned Away
The Number Is The Same As The Sand On The Shore
But Every Time You've Taken Me Back
And Now I Pray You Do It Once More.

Please Take From Me My Life
When I Don't Have The Strength
To Give It Away To You Jesus

How Many Times Have I Turned Away
The Number Is The Same As The Stars In The Sky
But Every Time You've Taken Me Back
And Now I Pray You Do It Tonight.

Please Take From Me My Life
When I Don't Have The Strength
To Give It Away To You Jesus"

First Timer...

A while back I wrote a little bit about my neighbor, Tessa. She is a 10-year-old with so much beautiful energy -- she gets excited about ANYTHING. The other day she came over to play with Maci, my new doggie, and I hated to tell her I was getting ready to leave. I told her I was on my way to go to outreach and like any kid, she began asking questions. I explained to her that me and some of my friends go out a couple times a week to hang out with our friends who live on the streets. I told her how we take food, clothes, soap, blankets, or whatever we happen to have had donated. After telling me how sad she felt when she saw homeless people, she told me she thinks about how hungry their stomachs must be. We asked her mom if it would be okay if she came with me -- her and her brother R.J. both tagged along. Tessa was bouncing off the walls with energy as usual and was ready to talk to EVERYONE under the bridge. We walked around as she introduced herself to almost everyone; she was in charge of passing out sandwiches and as soon as she finished that she ran to help hand out some sweatshirts that we had with us. One of our friends, Scott, who stays at Davidson Street Bridge jokingly asked her if she was going to stay all night -- she said, she couldn't because it was a school night...but she could sometime on the weekend. R.J. is 13 and I think understood what he was seeing a little better, he was awfully quiet. I love the innocence and open-mindedness of children. Tessa couldn't wait to go to the next stop and meet more people.
Soon enough it was time to run Tessa and R.J. back home. In the car there were a couple questions and I can't tell you what exactly was said, but Kim and I were explaining to them that God loves it when we love people and help people. Tessa asked us what God does when we do things like that. We told her He smiles, REALLY BIG! At one point we asked the kids if they go to church, the answer was no. Tessa asked right away if she could go with me sometime. So, I talked to Michelle, her mom, and Sunday Tessa came with me to church!
On the way she told me she had NEVER been to church, or Sunday school, or VBS, or ANYTHING at a church -- which may or may not be the entire truth, but it kind of broke my heart, but also scared me to death! Yes, seriously. She doesn't know about God or Jesus or any of this "Christian stuff". So, where do I even start! I was praying quickly for words! I was worried because I didn't want to mess up, as silly as that sounds. She is seriously like a blank canvas! But, then again that makes it so much easier -- there are not built up bitter feelings about God or religion or past experiences.
Church went well; we even had lunch afterwards and got to eat with a couple of my homeless friends who also go to Indy Metro. One of which was baptized this past week -- PRAISE THE LORD! (Please, keep Rob and his being obedient to the Lord in your prayers!)
Anyways, Tessa said she really liked church and wants to go back next week! Please, pray for her as well -- she is so easily influenced and has recently been in trouble at home and school -- I know that as soon as she lets Jesus get a hold of her she will be such a light. I know that only He can use all that energy she has!

Take It...

God's doing some pretty cool things right now, things that are forcing me to make big decisions and ask hard questions. I'm so grateful for the people He's put in my life to help me push through times like these. The Lord is letting light shine on some dark areas of my life and for the first time in a long time I'm starting to believe again that it IS possible for me to be set free from what has trapped me for so long. I'm also seeing how attached I've become to MY plans and dreams and goals and wants for my life -- and how badly I've got to let go. It's funny how easy it is to talk the talk...but when it really comes down to walking the walk...it's a different story. I know it's going to take some breaking, some losing, probably even some tears, but God's got a plan!

Don't Buy The Lies...

I wish I'd remember this a little more often...Love the "And you were MADE WITH SUCH CARE your skin, your body, and your hair are perfect just the way they are..." part.



I pray that I would have a heart that fears the Lord, and that I could stop obsessing with the world's view of "beauty". God has done so much recently to show me how beautiful EVERYONE is, period. Now, I've just got to listen when He tells me the He loves me...and that I am beautiful to Him...because that is all that matters!

Here I Go...

Well, I’m going to guess that most of you reading this already know me and bits and pieces of my life and my story…but, just in case you don’t, or you are interested in knowing a little more…

I’m Jena! The first and probably most important thing I’d like to share with you is how my life has been dramatically changed over the last few years…

In the past, I defined my life and even my worth by things like friends, clubs/organizations, parties, sports, boys, grades, looks, or any other thing that I thought would somehow gratify me. My mind was wrapped around questions and a constant search for fulfillment. Near the end of my senior year of high school I was at an FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) meeting and a friend asked to play a song before everyone left. The song was “Awakening” by Seven Places – which was more of someone speaking than someone singing, but nonetheless, it spoke right to my heart. I quickly dismissed a lot of the things I mulled over after that by assuring myself that I was okay…I mean, I grew up going to church and Sunday school, I knew some Bible verses, I prayed every once in a while, and it’s not like I ever really did anything THAT bad.

It took some time for me to finally come to grips with the fact that being “good” wasn’t the point, and I actually wasn’t as “good” as I had imagined anyway. A few months into my first year of college a couple girls knocked on my door and asked me if I would be interested in checking out a discussion group. I still didn’t know too many people, so I figured at the least I could meet a few new girls that lived in the dorm. I honestly couldn’t tell you anything we talked about; the only things I remember from that night are hearing the story of how God had changed one girl’s life, seeing something called the bridge diagram, and A LOT of tears! The funny thing is I had seen that illustration and heard similar messages a million times before, but this time, it all “clicked”. (If you’ve never seen or heard of the bridge diagram, it pretty much shows the distance between man and God because of our disobedience, but explains that Jesus died on the cross to “bridge” that gap). God quickly opened my eyes to show me how far away from Him I had strayed and how all my seemly good actions had missed the mark, and my life would continue in the same direction without Him.

That night I heard something that was an entirely new concept to me…a “relationship” with Jesus Christ. God had always just been this big, distant, mysterious…thing…not really available for any sort of relationship?
Over Christmas break I was invited to attend a retreat in Nashville, TN. The week was full of new friends, sightseeing, very little sleep, and some very encouraging stories about college, about God, and about life in general. After everything I had heard, seen, and especially felt over the last few months, I finally knew what I needed; and the last night of the retreat (which happened to be New Years Eve), I decided to surrender my life to Jesus Christ. I don’t remember what I said, but I’m sure it wasn’t an elaborate prayer, and it didn’t need to be – God already knew everything I wanted and needed to say.

My heart and desires were radically changed, almost instantly. I could see how my attitude and behaviors were mean and hurtful, the pleasure I used to get from walking all over other people to build myself up was gone and I was heartbroken and ashamed of what had become second nature to me. But thankfully I didn’t have to worry about the past anymore, everything was gone…my slate was wiped completely clean.

Now, every day I do my best to live my life for the One who gave His life for me. It’s been about three and a half years since my Savior so graciously rescued me and I’m know I’m not the first to admit it’s not always easy, and I’m not even close to being perfect, so of course there are struggles. But, every time I’ve fallen down or wandered away, God has been right there, reaching out to pick me up and put me right back where I belong – beside Him.

So there's an introduction or maybe update for some of you :)…Oh, and the entries prior to this one are all old randoms from MySpace, just FYI...

It's Not Mine...

This was just something I REALLY needed to hear today...So, thought I'd share it! It's one of those ideas that I know all to well...just don't seem to whole-heartedly trust or belive...if that makes any sense at all! I mean why shouldn't I give every bit of my life every single day to God -- I mean really, it's not mine anyways! He paid the price, it's ALL for Him!

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

-Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

Maybe, Maybe Not...

This song is amazing, period. I don't care what you believe or don't believe about Christianity or any other religion. Everyone has questions - because none of us have all the answers. That's where faith comes into play. It could be faith that there is a God or that there is no God, either way it's faith. And either way we could be right or wrong, again, we don't have the answers...all we have is faith.

What If - Nichole Nordeman

"What if you're right?
And he was just another nice guy
What if you're right?
What if it's true?
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true?

What if he takes his palace in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then?

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

What if you dig, What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig?
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions inside
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more
Then folklore that must be told and retold

But what if you're wrong?
What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?

You've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land so long
But what if you're wrong?

What if you jump?
And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough?
What if it's love?"

So what if I am making a fool of myself and living my life for something that is ancient history and has no meaning today? What if I am wrong...but, what if I'm not?

Click...

So today was one of those fantastic days when things just clicked. You know, when you feel like you are exactly where you are supposed to be at that exact moment. Actually, this entire last week has been like that! I am beyond blessed – and I can't thank the Lord enough! I just don't even know where to start...I guess I will just leave it there! I want to jump up and down – you just have no idea!

GOD, YOU ARE SIMPLY AMAZING BEYOND WHAT I CAN COMPREHEND!

My eyes have been opened to how stubborn I have been lately. I have been so worried about crap! Seriously, crap! It finally just hit me – be still! I knew this though, why don't I act like it? God's got it under control. I know that every time I have a "plan", God steps in and turns it upside down and shows me what His plan for that particular situation is! I may not quite understand why, well...I usually don't understand why, but I know it's going to turn out way better than anything I attempt on my own!

I also wanted to say sorry! I keep going on and on about how I am sick of people being hypocrites, well I am just as guilty as the next person! Sometimes I wish people could see my heart and my intensions, but they can't – they see how I act on the outside. I sure haven't been painting a very pretty picture with my life lately! I WANT Jesus to shine through me! So to those of you who are like, "She is another one of those 'Christians'...", I'm so sorry! I'm human so unfortunately I am going to sin! Luckily I can run right back into God's arms and ask forgiveness and He reminds me how much I am loved! And so can anyone else...It is such a sweet deal!

So once again...

GOD, YOU ARE SIMPLY AMAZING BEYOND WHAT I CAN COMPREHEND!

Astounding...

So, first of all...God is freakin' amazing! I love it when I feel happy for no apparent reason! The last few days I've just felt like smiling and it's awesome! It's so crazy becuase it's not like anything has chaged...I pretty much failed my homework I had to do this weekend, my room is a mess, my week is going to be hectic...BUT I'm just not stressed about it at all, I just like want to sing or something! Haha...Who knows, maybe someone slipped some happy pills to me when I wasn't paying attention... But I doubt that...I think God just rocks my world!