Distroying What Seeks To Distroy Me...

I love this.

This is from The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis

In his story, he and some others were on a bus trip that took them to the outskirts of heaven. There, they are able to get a glimpse of true reality - about heaven and themselves. The people from the bus trip are "ghosts" and each "Ghost" has something he must give up.

I saw coming towards us a Ghost who carried something on his shoulder. Like all the Ghosts, he was unsubstantial, but they differed from one another as smokes differ. Some had been whitish; this one was dark and oily. What sat on his shoulder was a little red lizard, and it was twitching its tail like a whip and whispering things in his ear. As we caught sight of him he turned his head to the reptile with a snarl of impatience. "Shut up, I tell you!" he said. It wagged its tail and continued to whisper to him. He ceased snarling, and presently began to smile. Then he turned and started to limp westward, away from the mountains.

"Off so soon?" said a voice.

The speaker was more or less human in shape but larger than a man, and so bright that I could hardly look at him. His presence smote on my eyes and on my body too (for there was heat coming from him as well as light) like the morning sun at the beginning of a tyrannous summer day.

"Yes, I'm off," said the Ghost. "Thanks for all your hospitality. But it's no good, you see. I told this little chap," (here he indicated the lizard), "that he'd have to be quiet if he came - which he insisted on doing. Of course his stuff won't do here: I realize that. But he won't stop. I shall just have to go home

"Would you like me to make him quiet?" said the flaming Spirit - an angel, as I now understood.

"Of course I would," said the Ghost.

"Then I will kill him," said the Angel, taking a step forward.

"Oh - ah - look out! You're burning me. Keep away," said the Ghost retreating.

"Don't you want him killed?" said the Angel.

"You didn't say anything about killing him at first. I hardly meant to bother you with something so drastic as that."

"It's the only way," said the Angel, whose burning hands were now very close to the lizard. "Shall I kill it?"

"Well, that's a further question. I'm quite open to consider it, but it's a new point, isn't it? I mean, for the moment I was only thinking about silencing it..." said the Ghost.

"May I kill it?" asked the Angel.

"Well, there's time to discuss that later" said the Ghost.

"There is no time. May I kill it?"

Please, I never meant to be such a nuisance. Please - really - don't bother. Look! It's gone to sleep of its own accord. I'm sure it will be all right now. Thanks ever so much."

"May I kill it?"

"Honestly, I don't think there's the slightest necessity for that. I'm sure I shall be able to keep it in order now. I think the gradual process would be far better than killing it." said the Ghost.

"The gradual process is of no use at all."

"Don't you think so? Well, I'll think over what you've said very carefully. I honestly will. In fact I'd let you kill it now, but as a matter of fact I'm not feeling frightfully well today. It would be silly to do it now. I'd need to be in good health for the operation. Some other day, perhaps."

"There is no other day. All days are present now."

"Get back! You're burning me. How can I tell you to kill it? You'd kill me if you did."

"It is not so."

"Why, you're hurting me now."

"I never said it wouldn't hurt you. I said it wouldn't kill you"...

The Angel's hands were almost closed on the Lizard, but not quite. Then the Lizard began chattering to the Ghost so loud that even I could hear what it was saying.

"Be careful," it said. "He can do what he says. He can kill me. One fatal word from you and he will! Then you'll be without me forever and ever. It's not natural. How could you live? You'd only be a sort of ghost, not a real man as you are now. He doesn't understand. He's only a cold, bloodless abstract thing. It may be natural for him, but it isn't for us. Yes, yes. I know there are no real pleasures now, only dreams. But aren't they better than nothing? And I'll be so good. I admit I've sometimes gone too far in the past, but I promise I won't do it again. I'll give you nothing but really nice dreams - all sweet and fresh and almost innocent. You might say, quite innocent..."

"Have I your permission?" asked the Angel to the Ghost.

"I know it will kill me."

"It won't. But supposing it did?" asked the Angel

"You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature."

"Then I may?"

"...Go on can't you! Get it over. Do what you like," bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, "God help me. God help me."

Next moment the Ghost gave a scream of agony such as I never heard on Earth. The Burning One closed his crimson grip on the reptile: twisted it, while it bit and writhed, and then flung it, broken backed on the turf.

What a great reminder. Satan is a LIAR and DECEIVER. And sometimes we have to make radical choices in order to follow Jesus. It isn't always easy and doesn't always 'feel good'. But, it will be worth it. It will be MORE than worth it.

I'm The Price I Pay...

Chasen - Castaway

I Feel Destruction Running Hard Through My Veins
But I See Redemption Rushing My Way
My Victories Are Bittersweet, And Now I Can Tell
The Only Place My Plans Have Led Me Is Right Where I Fell

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance

I Had A Dream Of A Life Of My Own
And I Had A Place That I Thought Was My Home
But Now I See I Just Can't Have It Any Other Way
It's All Or Nothing, Do Or Die And I'm The Price I Pay Because

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance
A Second Chance

A Second Chance I Won't Forget
A Second Life I Won't Regret
A Second Wind To Brave This Night
A Second More To Make It Right

I'm Overboard, Too Far From Shore
A Castaway Trying To Make It Home
I Catch My Breath To Save Myself But I Can't
In My Sight You Were Just In Time
I Feel You Now You're By My Side
And I Know You Gave Me, A Gift Of A Second Chance

A Gift Of A Second Chance
I'm A Castaway, With A Gift Of A Second Chance

He Hears My Voice...

Man, life gets hard sometimes. And life gets really dark sometimes. I start to wonder if I'm ever going to get a break. If there is ever a way out. I'm quick to believe the lies that Satan feeds me. I start thinking there is no use. It's too hard. God has had enough of my bull sh*t. I've been down this road. It's nothing new. I should have learned. I'M sick of trying to give myself second, third, fourth...hundred-and-fifty-seven-thousandth chance. Why would someone so perfect take me back again and again. I just always start to wonder. 

But, my God is so gracious and so merciful and his love abounds! I love when He brings me back to that place. That place where His love is so real. His mercy is so fresh. His grace is so amazing.

This Psalm is so perfect when I'm in these moments. I need to be reminded that God hears my voice. He BENDS DOWN TO LISTEN. Is that not a beautiful picture? 

I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death wrapped its ropes around me; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Please, Lord, save me!” How kind the Lord is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and he saved me. Let my soul be at rest again, for the Lord has been good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth!

-Psalm 116:1-9

Do Not Mix...

New and old DO NOT mix. I guess it really is that simple.

“Besides, who would patch old clothing with new cloth? For the new patch would shrink and rip away from the old cloth, leaving an even bigger tear than before. “And no one puts new wine into old wineskins. For the wine would burst the wineskins, and the wine and the skins would both be lost. New wine calls for new wineskins.”

-Mark 2:21-22

I'm so thankful for this reminder...a reminder and maybe even a little bit of a warning.

Thank you for making me new, Jesus. Please stop me from trying to mix the new with the old. You are all that I need.

Closer In The End...

God's really been doing some serious, serious work on my heart recently! That 'work' He's doing doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy either...it's actually pretty darn painful at times.

But there isn't an ounce of me questioning the fact that God has got a plan. I don't, however, have a clue what that plan even remotely looks like...nor is it of any importance for me to try solve that puzzle. Things seem to work much, much better though when I leave the God-sized work up to God.

I guess what that leaves me with, then, would be...baby steps. Obedient, baby steps. Maybe some bigger steps, too. But nonetheless, careful, obedient steps. And sometimes He'll tell me to jump. So, I will have to obediently take that leap.

Honestly, though...those simple, little baby steps can sometimes feel like I'm running across the top of an enormous skyscraper and falling, feet kicking and arms flailing, into the middle of a fifthly city's obnoxious unruliness and screeching cars and screaming horns.

No, it's not always pretty...and it can be downright scary at times. As scary as plummeting off the top of a skyscraper. But, let me be the first to tell you, I did a whole heck of a lot to put myself in that 'not-so-pretty' spot. So, I've got no one else to blame. 

God IS going to rescue me from it, though. It's going to be in HIS time. According to HIS plan. Dependent on what will bring HIM the most glory. 

I'd say after all I've done in opposition to Him and all He's done in favor of me...it's more than fair. It's actually an amazing deal on my side of things. One I certainly don't deserve...one I could never, ever come close to earning.

So, for now, I need to be still. I need to listen. Listen for God telling me to take that step...to make that move. It won't be easy. It's going to hurt. There might be tears. But He's going to carry me through it. It's all going to bring me closer to Him. And regardless of the path it takes to get me there, it's the only place I ever want to be.      

Thank You For The Cross...

Man...Talk about something for which to be grateful!

Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.

- Colossians 2:13-14 (NLT) 

Are these words not simply beautiful! He forgave ALL my sins! He CANCELED the record of charges against me! EVERYTHING was nailed to the cross! 

I'm not sure how I so often manage to let this perfect promise slip my mind! But those moments when I really 'get' it...when it all 'clicks'...those moments are the overwhelming, to say the least! God's love for me and for EVERYONE is unconditional! And nothing can ever change that, ever!

As much screwing up as I've done in the past and as much screwing up as I'll do in the future...Christ's blood has already covered it! That's is some seriously powerful LOVE!

Thank you for the CROSS!  

Trial & Error...

I said this in some sort of joking manner...and in reference to photography, but in all reality I use the "trial and error" method all too often. It hit me as soon as I clicked send. I suppose using this approach to certain things may work. I, however, wouldn't recommend it as a means by which to live life. Now...if I could just take my own advice from the previous sentence I'd be in much better shape.

Although, if I were to be completely honest, my method isn't really "trial and error"...it's more like "trial and error and re-trial and same error and re-re-trail and saaame error..." on and on and on. Then, I usually end just up feeling hurt or saddened or defeated. You'd think I'd learn, right? 

The first time you try touching a hot stove is usually the last time you try touching a hot stove, is it not? That will cause a decent amount of pain and teach a lesson awfully quick. But I'm willing to bet that at some point in time, before touching that hot stove, someone told you not to. Maybe they'd touched it themselves and been burned, maybe they'd watch someone else touch it and get burned, or maybe they were just passing along a message they'd heard. Either way, there was warning or instruction or advice...however you want to look at it.

Okay, so life is a little more complicated than whether or not you burn your finger on a stove, but  I guess you could draw some parallels. Like that person warning you not to touch the stove...what if that 'person' was the God of the universe! The one who created you! The who created everything, ever! The one who loves you more than you could ever understand! What if He cared for you so much that He wanted to protect you from that hurt and that pain? And I don't mean a blister on the tip of your finger. I mean the pain that comes from an addiction, a break-up, a job loss, a shame-filled past, anger, hatred, loneliness, jealousy or whatever it is that makes you ache. Whatever is it!

He's given all of us all the warning, instruction, and advice we could ever need. His word is sufficient for each of those purposes.  But without reading those pages or opening our hearts to hearing what God is trying to tell us, we're stuck with our method of "trial and error".

So, maybe it isn't the most convenient thing in the world and maybe it takes time, but God will show you a clear path and an unmistakable plan if you are just willing to read the instructions and listen to His warnings. 

I wish I could, but I just can't explain the amazing joy I feel when, instead of trying to do things my way and ending a situation with an "error", I choose to be obedient and the situation ends with the feeling of being pleasing and glorify to the most high God!

So...thank you Lord. Thank you for your word and your love and your open, merciful arms that we can always, always run to!           

Punishment...

“Hey, Jena...”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“What!”
“Do you think God is punishing me?”
“You mean...because you’re sick?”
“Yeah. My medicine makes me tired and I can’t stay awake at night to finish reading my Bible.”

Our conversation this morning broke my heart. I wish I would have had something more profound to share with her. But I didn’t. All I could come up with was something generic about God not being “like that”.

But, why?

He’s PERFECT. He gave SO much. More than anyone could EVER comprehend. And we keep living like it’s no big deal. I keep living like it’s no big deal. God didn’t let his SON...his ONLY son, be ruthlessly tortured and brutally murdered so that I could walk around and constantly spit in his face by living a life full of my prideful, selfish sinfulness.

All I know is that if God gave me the punishment I actually deserved, it would have to be something so incredibly horrible; I can’t even begin to imagine. Something comparable to what Jesus endured. But, God will NEVER ever bestow that punishment upon me...the punishment I so much deserve. His PERFECT son took MY place on that cross. I should have been hung on that cross. And that is simply the truth.

So, back to my God’s not “like that” answer. He isn’t. He loves me and He loves you and He loves EVERY person He created. Sometimes I have to remind myself just how much God really does love me. He sent his son to this earth to DIE so that I could live. So that I could be free from the bondage of sin in my life. So that I could spend eternity with Him. These words are so beautiful to me: “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...” (Romans 8:1)

When I gave my life up for the life God had in store for me, I became a new person. The old “me” died, just like Christ died on the cross. (2 Corinthians 5:17) And just as he rose from the dead, I rose with Him. (Romans 6) That sin, that evil nature that resonated inside me, no longer has any control. My sin, those moments I look back on and feel as though I’ve spit right in God’s face, are no longer counted against me.

Can you even wrap you head around that? I can’t. The creator or the universe, the one who placed the stars in the sky and knows the number of grains of sand on every beach and made my heart beat...that “guy”...He is on MY side. I have a power in my corner, fighting for me, this power is greater than any broken heart or addiction or deep regret. He is bigger. And He chooses to lift every last bit of my junk off my shoulders. God wipes the slate clean. It’s gone. It’s ALL gone. Now, that is how He is going to see me for the rest of eternity, as flawless as the one who took my place, because that is how much He loves me. And that’s how much He loves each and every person on this earth.

So, no, I don’t have the answer to why my friend is sick. But, I sure don’t think its punishment.

It's Just A God Thing...

I am simply...BLOWN AWAY!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you KNOW God is completely behind EVERYTHING that is happening? A moment when you realize that there is NO WAY that a specific chain of events could just be "coincidence". The last few days smacked me square in the face with thoughts like those.

Yesterday I was running and rushing around trying to work on that never ending to-do list. There wasn't too much going my way. My car isn't running, on top of that a tire is flat, I couldn't get the doors to the van unlocked because it was so cold, I got to the store and realized I left my debit card at home, when I pulled out my checkbook to pay my ink pen exploded ALL over my hands, and by that time I was supposed to be home 5 minutes ago to meet my best friend. Laura and I went to watch a move and got out later than expected. It was time to meet up for outreach and I still needed to run to the store. My phone starts ringing and I was sure it was going to be someone asking where I was, but it was Kim letting me know she was running late. Thank goodness, me too. I hurried home and threw my warm clothes on and the phone rings again. This time Kim was calling to let me know that the guys weren't coming. That left just us girls...and "outreach rules" say girls can't go out alone. Well, if you know Kim or me you could guess that we were going anyways. :)

We made it to the first camp and ALL the street lights were out, it was DARK! Really? Someone sure was trying hard to keep us from the streets that night...but, I hopped out and ran over to a few tents and hollered for some of our friends, it always makes us a little more comfortable to have a couple guys around that we trust. Mike, Eric, and Scott jumped right up with us. We hit a few more camps after that and decided we were going to head downtown to see if you could find anyone wanting to go in for the night -- it was bitter cold.

There didn't seem to be anyone out. We drove around the circle and spotted a couple guys who looked like they might want a cup of hot soup. I jumped out to go talk with them and as we walked back to the truck Kim came running around the corner telling me that we were taking this girl to the hospital now, so hurry . I had no idea she had even gotten out of the truck.

Mary was her name and Kim saw her struggling to carry an overstuffed duffle bag and a couple smaller plastic bags. She was in some serious pain. Come to find out the poor girl hadn't been to the bathroom in 8 DAYS! Ouch! Oh, and it happened to be her birthday as well...lovely way to spend a birthday, right? We got her to Wishard as fast as we could and sat with her until she was admitted. The doctors practically kicked us out of the room, so we headed back to the dat House to unload the truck. As far as we knew, that was that. Maybe we'd see her again one day, but maybe not. What we were certain of though, was that God put us exactly where He needed us that night. We hardly ever go to the circle anymore, because no one is allowed to feed there (and we won't even get started on that)...but God obviously pushed us in that direction for a very specific reason.

Here's where it gets good...

This morning I got up extra early and visited the 8:30 service at a church in my neighborhood. Well, Indy Metro, the church I attend doesn't start until 10:30, so I had time to kill. I stopped at MoJoe's and got a yummy latte and then started to head toward the bridges to see if I could talk any of the guys into coming to church. Here I am, driving down the street and all of the sudden I see that HUGE black and purple duffle bag...it was MARY! I hurried around the block so I could pull up beside her and asked if I could take her anywhere. She just wanted to get into a shelter. I told her she could come to church with me and then we would find her a place to stay. After church we ended up going out to lunch with some friends…and here is where it gets good again...

We asked Mary what kind of food sounded good and she said Italian, so we decided on Buca Di Beppo. Well, I was driving, so I dropped everyone off at the door and went to look for a parking spot. As I'm driving I spot a couple guys who looked familiar. I had to do a double take, but it was Eric and Josh, a couple guys from under the bridge. I honked and waved. Eric ran over and I asked him if I could give him a ride. So, I dropped the guys off at the library and went back around the block and continued looking for a parking spot. Okay, so there is no way this ISN’T a God thing. I saw the guys because they were walking up the street that Buca is on...We went to Buca because Mary wanted Italian...The only reason Mary was with us was because she was walking near the coffee shop where I stopped to get Chai...and the only reason I stopped to get Chai was because I was early for church since I miraculously woke up early enough (and I’m not a morning person) to make it to an 8:30 service. I mean, I could keep going...

Anyways, it was a great lunch. And back to my promise of getting her a place to sleep...the only shelter I could get her into didn’t do check-in until 4:00. I took her back to the office and got her a coat and some warm clothes and gave her the Handbook of Help, which lists all kinds of service providers (A good friend of mine called it the "Homeless Tour Guide", haha!). I walked her into the shelter and made plans to come get her in the morning to take her back to the hospital for her surgery.

This little snippet of the last couple days doesn’t even begin to explain the ways God is at work all around me. I’m just so glad that He is letting me be a part of it…that He has a purpose for me and can use me in small ways.

Please be praying for Mary if you would. I’m so thankful God brought her into my life. She is a sweet woman and has quite a story to tell. God bless you, Mary!

Simply & Only God...

"No soul can be really at rest until it has given up all dependence on everything else and has been forced to depend on the Lord alone. As long as our expectation is from other things, nothing but disappointment awaits us. Feelings may change, and will change with our changing circumstances; doctrines and dogmas may be upset; Christian work may come to naught; prayers may seem to lose their fervency; promises may seem to fail; everything that we have believed in or depended upon may seem to be swept away, and only God is left, just God, the bare God, if I may be allowed the expression; simply and only God."

-- Hannah Whitall Smith

Chyaa...that's what I want...SIMPLY AND ONLY, GOD! I know when I depend on me to fix my problems or ease my pain or restore my joy, none of that ever really happens. Sure, I can fake it with the best of 'em...but I end up back where I started. It's really just a waste of time and energy...seriously, I've been there more than once or twice. And I've also lived in moments where I was bankin' on God and God alone! I'm reminding myself and promising you, that fully depending on God will be pretty freaking hard and frankly painful; but those moments of difficulty and grief are nothing compared to my God...the maker of the universe, the creator of EV-ER-Y-THING!

Some Things...

Life has been a kind of rough lately and times like these make it easy to just retreat and be mad at the world, seriously! But, I know God has a plan...and even when my selfish flesh steps in and throws a big fat wrench in things...He ends up using it. Now, how can I not be thankful for that. The "crap" I've done and been through the last 23 years can and WILL be used for His glory. The moments I actually cling to that are the ones I experience the most peace and freedom!

And those of you who really know me know that music and lyrics are one of my "escapes"...so needless to say...the music has been BLARING the last few days! :) This song has been a favorite for a long time...and it's perfect right now! I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt, but...I really am "Thankful, For Every Break In My Heart, I'm Grateful, For Every Scar..." Because I've been here before and know all too well that I can't go backward...so I'll go forward and just keep learning.

Lessons Learned -- Carrie Underwood

There's Some Things That I Regret,
Some Words I Wish Had Gone Unsaid,
Some Starts,
That Had Some Better Endings,
Been Some Bad Times I've Been Through,
Damage I Cannot Undo.
Some Things,
I Wish I Could Do All All Over Again,
But It Don't Really Matter,
When Life Gets That Much Harder,
It Makes You That Much Stronger,
Oh, Some Pages Turned,
Some Bridges Burned,
But There Were,
Lessons Learned.

And Every Tear That Had To Fall From My Eyes,
And Everyday I Wondered How I'd Get Through The Night,
Every Change, Life Has Thrown Me,
I'm Thankful, For Every Break In My Heart,
I'm Grateful, For Every Scar,
Some Pages Turned,
Some Bridges Burned,
But There Were Lessons Learned.

There's Mistakes That I Have Made,
Some Chances I Just Threw Away,
Some Roads,
I Never Should Have Taken,
Been Some Signs I Didn't See,
Hearts That I Hurt Needlessly,
Some Wounds,
That I Wish I Could Have One More Chance To Mend,
But It Don't Make No Difference,
The Past Can't Be Rewritten,
You Get The Life You're Given,
Oh, Some Pages Turned,
Some Bridges Burned,
But There Were,
Lessons Learned.

And All The Things That Break You,
Are The Things That Make You Strong.
You Can't Change The Past,
Cause It's Gone.
And You Just Gotta Move On,
Because It's All
Lessons Learned.

It's Simple...

So, this morning I was praying for some guidance and wisdom about a couple situations and decisions to be made...I love the though-provoking ideas of Oswald Chambers. I was reading today's devotional from My Utmost For His Highest and felt like God kind of did the whole "could have had a V-8" thing! Haha! Really! Here is what I read:

"The simplicity that is in Christ."

-2 Corinthians 11:3

Imagination Vs. Inspiration - Oswald Chambers
Simplicity is the secret of seeing things clearly. A saint does not think clearly for a long while, but a saint ought to see clearly without any difficulty. You cannot think a spiritual muddle clear, you have to obey it clear. In intellectual matters you can think things out, but in spiritual matters you will think yourself into cotton wool. If there is something upon which God has put His pressure, obey in that matter, bring your imagination into captivity to the obedience of Christ with regard to it and everything will become as clear as daylight. The reasoning capacity comes afterwards, but we never see along that line, we see like children; when we try to be wise we see nothing
(Matthew 11:25).
The tiniest thing we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is quite sufficient to account for spiritual muddle, and all the thinking we like to spend on it will never make it clear. Spiritual muddle is only made plain by obedience. Immediately we obey, we discern. This is humiliating, because when we are muddled we know the reason is in the temper of our mind. When the natural power of vision is devoted to the Holy Spirit, it becomes the power of perceiving God's will and the whole life is kept in simplicity.

I love this...You can't think it clear, you have to OBEY it clear! So I had better stop asking so many questions and trying to handle these situations on my own and just start obeying! Praise God for humility and being able to open eyes, even we were plainly refuse to see things His way. He never gives up on us!

Many Are Called...

So, God is crazy...and I mean that in a good way, seriously. He just does crazy things to get our attention sometimes -- but there is nothing wrong with that, especially for people like me who tend to not listen the first or second or third time he tells us something. At outreach tonight, I got to have an interesting conversation with a woman named Smicky, who may or may not have been pretty intoxicated, but nontheless. I haven't talked to her much before, but I've seen her quite a few times at one of the bridges we visit. She shared with me a lot of things about her life, some pretty scary things, like the fact that one more than one occasion she has tried to kill herself and also that she has lost two children, not to mention the fact that she lives under a bridge and from what I've been told sells her body. Smicky is only 32 and has been through a whole lot of junk in her life.Anyways, she told me how God has clearly spoken to her more than once. She was determined to share this with me and felt like she needed to warn me for some reason. Again, a lot of this is probably alcohol talking, but I'm used to listening in similar situations, so what the heck. She tossed some scripture around, but the one that stuck with me was this:

“For many are called, but few are chosen.”

-Matthew 22:14

This is so true. And I've heard this verse, but rarely take the time to think about how this was meant. This verse comes from the Parable about the Great Feast. Which in the NLT version reads:

Jesus also told them other parables. He said, “The Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a king who prepared a great wedding feast for his son. When the banquet was ready, he sent his servants to notify those who were invited. But they all refused to come!
“So he sent other servants to tell them, ‘The feast has been prepared. The bulls and fattened cattle have been killed, and everything is ready. Come to the banquet!’ But the guests he had invited ignored them and went their own way, one to his farm, another to his business. Others seized his messengers and insulted them and killed them.
“The king was furious, and he sent out his army to destroy the murderers and burn their town. And he said to his servants, ‘The wedding feast is ready, and the guests I invited aren’t worthy of the honor. Now go out to the street corners and invite everyone you see.’ So the servants brought in everyone they could find, good and bad alike, and the banquet hall was filled with guests.
“But when the king came in to meet the guests, he noticed a man who wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for a wedding. ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?’ But the man had no reply. Then the king said to his aides, ‘Bind his hands and feet and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
“For many are called, but few are chosen.”

-Matthew 22:1-14

I guess my point is, this is something I see day in and day out. People are invited, by God, to be part of something wonderful, but they are too wrapped up in their lives and things and friends and stuff to bother with the Creator of the universe. I'll admit I have days and moments where I get a little too focused on me and my plans, but thankfully God reminds me what is waiting for me at the end of the life He has chosen for me. For some people things will click, and they will realize what is really important, but for others they hear what is being said to them, but never listen. God has invited EVERY person to this gathering, He's calling out to the ends of the earth. So if you hear him calling you...LISTEN! Show up to that great feast wearing what He has offered you -- SALVATION!

Please pray that I would remember to LISTEN to God as he speaks to me, that my own plans and desires would be surrendered to what His will is for my life, and that no matter what, I would TRUST God with everything I am. And I'll pray the same for you, friends! :)

Take It...

God's doing some pretty cool things right now, things that are forcing me to make big decisions and ask hard questions. I'm so grateful for the people He's put in my life to help me push through times like these. The Lord is letting light shine on some dark areas of my life and for the first time in a long time I'm starting to believe again that it IS possible for me to be set free from what has trapped me for so long. I'm also seeing how attached I've become to MY plans and dreams and goals and wants for my life -- and how badly I've got to let go. It's funny how easy it is to talk the talk...but when it really comes down to walking the walk...it's a different story. I know it's going to take some breaking, some losing, probably even some tears, but God's got a plan!

Neighborly Love...

As I’ve started getting ready to move into my new house I’ve spent some time working in the yard trying to get things cleaned up and have had the chance to meet a handful of my neighbors, one family in particular. Michelle, her husband, her three kids, and her new granddaughter all live next door. I’ll admit I am excited to be in a neighborhood and have “real” neighbors, but it’s certainly going to take some getting used to. Being in an apartment the last three years have made it all too easy to shut myself off from other people – things are already changing. I have a feeling God is getting ready to teach me a whole heck of a lot about loving my neighbor…literally.

The Bible describes love like this:

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Patience. Tessa, Michelle’s youngest daughter, has already shown me the importance of patience – and I’m sure God will continue to grow my ability to love people with patience through this relationship. The first day I came down to the house to work, Tessa popped her little head around the fence and asked if she could come help. So, she pulled weeds and dug up dead plants with me for a little bit. Laura (my best friend – who is awesome and has already been a HUGE help with this “re-vamping” project) and I were trying to put together a list of what I needed to grab at the store and Tessa ran over and said “Can I go with you to the store!” I’ll admit it was cute, but she is only 9 years old – when I was 9 I would have been scared to death to ride in a “strangers” car. I told her I wasn’t going until morning, so not this time. A little later she blurted out to Laura and me that she hadn’t taken her medicine – and she named it, but I couldn’t tell you what it was or what it was for. I looked at Laura (who happens to have some medical knowledge, since she is an RN…) and she told me it was pretty much for ADD. It’s kind of sad that a child has to be medicated because she is “hyper” – makes me wonder if it’s just an easy out for some parents? Something a little more patience could have solved? Later on Tessa told me she was glad I was moving in and was excited to have someone to spend time with – and that is exactly what she said “spend time with”. Interesting. It will be neat to see what God does with this situation. I’m certainly praying about it.

As far as Michelle’s son and other daughter, I’ve not had a chance to learn a whole lot about them. I know R.J. likes to skate and K is a new mommy. Hopefully I’ll have opportunities to learn more about each of them.