God's really been doing some serious, serious work on my heart recently! That 'work' He's doing doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy either...it's actually pretty darn painful at times.
But there isn't an ounce of me questioning the fact that God has got a plan. I don't, however, have a clue what that plan even remotely looks like...nor is it of any importance for me to try solve that puzzle. Things seem to work much, much better though when I leave the God-sized work up to God.
I guess what that leaves me with, then, would be...baby steps. Obedient, baby steps. Maybe some bigger steps, too. But nonetheless, careful, obedient steps. And sometimes He'll tell me to jump. So, I will have to obediently take that leap.
Honestly, though...those simple, little baby steps can sometimes feel like I'm running across the top of an enormous skyscraper and falling, feet kicking and arms flailing, into the middle of a fifthly city's obnoxious unruliness and screeching cars and screaming horns.
No, it's not always pretty...and it can be downright scary at times. As scary as plummeting off the top of a skyscraper. But, let me be the first to tell you, I did a whole heck of a lot to put myself in that 'not-so-pretty' spot. So, I've got no one else to blame.
God IS going to rescue me from it, though. It's going to be in HIS time. According to HIS plan. Dependent on what will bring HIM the most glory.
I'd say after all I've done in opposition to Him and all He's done in favor of me...it's more than fair. It's actually an amazing deal on my side of things. One I certainly don't deserve...one I could never, ever come close to earning.
So, for now, I need to be still. I need to listen. Listen for God telling me to take that step...to make that move. It won't be easy. It's going to hurt. There might be tears. But He's going to carry me through it. It's all going to bring me closer to Him. And regardless of the path it takes to get me there, it's the only place I ever want to be.
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