Everlasting

From The Inside Out – Hillsong United

"A thousand times I've failed,
Still your mercy remains,
And should I stumble again,
Still I'm caught in your grace...

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame,
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control,
Consume me from the inside out Lord...
Let justice and praise become my embrace,
To love You from the inside out...

Your will above all else, my purpose remains,
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise...

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame,
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control,
Consume me from the inside out Lord...
Let justice and praise become my embrace,
To love You from the inside out...

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades,
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame...
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise,
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out..."

A Two & A Five...

Just for fun...oh, and for those of you who aren't part of the wonderful world of Facebook...I'll post it here as well...;)

1. I grew up in a TINY farm town – I miss all the “neighborly things” like the way everyone waves when you pass them on a back road and the old men drinking coffee at the gas station in the morning. I kind of miss all those hard-working country boys too – I’m just not impressed with the prissy city boys.
2. I’m positive I could not go a day without music – I think it has honestly saved my life on many occasions.
3. I was in cheerleading, gymnastics, and/or dance since I was 3 – I miss cheerleading, A LOT!
4. I love football and can actually follow a game and know what’s going on, unlike some girls, ugh – the Chicago Bears are my favorite.
5. I own too much of a lot of things, including: lotion, diet pills, hooded sweatshirts, and Hot Box Pizza cups.
6. There are very few people who I will willing talk to over the phone – I’m a huge fan of texts and e-mails, if you are one of the few who I call or answer when you call...feel special :).
8. My mommy is one of my best friends – I can tell her anything, and I think that is awesome.
9. It’s safe to say I love my pets as much as most people love their children – right now I have two cats and a bunny.
10. 10 is one of my favorite numbers, I also like 11 and 5.
11. I think my one “talent” is supporting my talented friends – I have so many that I admire/am proud of :).
12. I get cold after I eat, almost instantly.
13. I’ve been out of the country twice – once to Japan for an Indy Car race and once to Canada to see Niagara Falls.
14. I wish I had a normal relationship with my “Dad” – Most days I’m convinced it’s too late.
15. GIVING gifts is one of my favorite things EVER.
16. I believe, with every bit of my being, that everything happens for a reason, period.
17. I miss my old friends so much, but I am so grateful for my new ones – it’s funny how life turns out.
18. I have four tattoos – but there will be plenty more to come. Oh, and I find them extremely attractive on guys ;).
19. When I like someone or something I completely obsess.
20. I love Jesus with all my heart, even when I don’t act like it :(.
21. I’ve had the same car since I was in high school – “we’ve” been though a lot.
22. I yawn when I am nervous.
23. I have an addiction to shoes and extreme loyalty to my “guy” at Journey’s.
24. I’ve been in love twice.
25. I’m graduating from college this summer and all I know is that my best friend and I are moving away from here – I have no idea what I want to do with my life and that scares the crap out of me.

Any Significance...

There is a giant heap of thoughts bouncing around it my head, and it’s starting to become more than confusing. Each time I start to contemplate things...pain, frustration, irritation, embarrassment, shame, anger.

Are people naturally bad and yearn to be good; or are we good and choose to be bad. What is good? Who decides – why is it ‘their’ opinion that matters. Or does it? I used to be good, then bad, then good, now bad. (But, by my definition, of course.) So what is it? Am I trying to be something I’m not or something I am?

Wow. This world is screwed up. I don’t belong – I think that’s good. I don’t want to be ‘of’ this world. I am, however, ‘in’ it...

I’ve attached myself to people and things that changed me. No, they didn’t change me, I changed for them. It was reckless. I’ve poured endless amounts of time and heart into these endeavors...nothing to show, nothing of worth. I wanted it to matter. It’s so superficial, you are so superficial. Open your eyes. Do I press on in hopes that doing the right thing will pay off? Continue to get walked on? Yes, maybe?

I’m not in control. I never was. I never will be. So, is this fate? Do I have a say, or don’t I? I’m not sure I want that power. I don’t trust myself with it.

I’ll keep growing, and learning, and looking for strength. I have to.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing.